Re-craping 6x07 Messin' With The Kid

Jamie: Leave me alone.
Chuck: No, you cape wearing baby.
Jamie: I'll have my mom beat your mom up.

Haley: If your brat does not leave my son alone, I'll have Jamie beat him up.
Bitch Mom: Come and get it, little girl.
Haley: Oh, Oh, you did not just call me that.
Bitch Mom: Oh, yes I did.
[Girlfight]
Nathan: My girl is a badass. It's hot.

Nathan: I'll make my son cool by becoming Cape Wearing Nathan, my super power is dunking basketballs. And I can also jump on trampolines. Why don't I play a game called Slamball? It's all about dunking basketballs while jumping off trampolines.

Haley: I'm sorry that I tried to force feed PBC on you. I thought you could handle it.
Brooke: I tried but I'm not like you. Everything you touch turns nice, exhibit Nathan.
Haley: Everything Nathan touches turns cool, exhibit me or my cape wearing son.
Brooke: No, I think Jamie was cool from the beginning. He's a Scott boy, it's in the genes.
Haley: I am still iffy about this theory. You wouldn't touch Lucas with a ten foot pole until he joined the basketball team.
Brooke: And that just reinforced the "everything Nathan touches turns cool" theory.
Haley: Oh yeah, you're right!

PBC: People always leave.
Brooke: Where have I heard that before? Here's the deal. Breakfast, my house, seven sharp. Or one more person will leave.
PBC: Fine, I can't deal with that Peyton baggage, it's exhausting.

Peyton: B. Davis says that we will never work out.
Lucas: That was mean. When did Brooke quit being a Pucas cheerleader?
Peyton: Not Brooke, you goof. B. Davis Magazine.
Lucas: Oh, okay.
Peyton: Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's have sex in your mother's bed.
Lucas: Yeww, creepy. [Later] I'm sorry I can't get it up under contrived circumstances.
Peyton: That's okay. Since we care more about Slamball than Ravens basketball right now, let's spend the whole day locked in the house to prove we really don't belong with each other. Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's tape a line down the house.
Lucas: And since we were not in the Tutoring Center during the school shooting, it seems slightly less creepy.

Mouth: Hi, Gigi. I have a girlfriend. You're my new hot intern who used to go out with me back in high school. And now I have a girlfriend. Are you still suffering from inapropriate verbal diarrhea? I still have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Yes, it hasn't gone away. I think you are also affected. Didn't you mention having a girlfriend three times? I kind of forget stuff as soon as they pass over my head.
Mouth: Yes, I have a girlfriend. I am still in disbelief, that they gave me back my on-air job after being voted the worst employee in the Universe, I've got a new office, my own shelf in the lunch room fridge, and a hot intern. Oh, and I have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Want to get it on, Sexy?
Mouth: Oh, boy.

Jamie: Grandpa Dan, why are people picking on me?
Dan: You're a Scott man. And Scott men are popular. And people are jealous of Scott men. And if you don't become an ace at basketball, I'll write you off in my will.
Jamie: Aren't you supposed to die in less than six months?
Dan: Jamie, are you poking the timeline? Don't do that.

Dan: Hey Bitch Mom! Dan Scott, Jamie's grandfather. Remember, I committed cold blooded murder. If I were you, I'll watch my back. [Drives away]
Bitch Mom: [Shudders] What sort of parents would let their kid hang out with a convicted murderer?

Re-craping 3x22 The Show Must Go On

Lucas: Are you ready for Naley's Second Wedding Day?
Nathan: No, I had one of those Schwahny dream last night.
Lucas: No no, that wasn't a dream, that's a nightmare. What happened?
Nathan: I dreamt that Haley was drowning in mucky river water. Can you tell her to stay away from the water?
Lucas: Like taking a mud bath on her wedding day is something she's thinking about.

[Naley's ceremony]
Dan: So what's up with that restraining order?
Deb: We temporarily restrained ourselves from enforcing it. Well, it's not like it was ever effective anyway. [Takes a swig of Sunkist from a flask] By the way, "Keith didn't try to kill you, I did."
Dan: Oh, so that's who it was. I am now just feeling guilty.

Brooke: So what's up with you liking MY boyfriend?
Peyton: I'm sorry I was just waiting for Lucas to get one of his epiphany and for you two to break up, but it took too long. And Schwahny spiked my drink with Sunkist last night, so I HAD to tell you that I like Lucas. You even said you didn't like him that much, so I guess it was alright. [Brooke slaps Seyton]
Brooke: "Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are a backstabbing, two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are, and you know it!"
Audience: Hell, yeah!

Brooke: Don't go near Peyton today.
Lucas: Why?
Brooke: I don't have time to explain. I have to go be the maid of honor. [Brooke leaves]
Lucas: So, I’ve been informed to avoid you like the plague. What’s up?
Peyton: Uh, nothing important, everything is peachy.
Lucas: Oh, okay. [Lucass leaves]
Peyton: [To herself] Well, I told Brooke that I like you, and it's not a big deal.
Audience: You think?!

Peyton: Here you are, Brooke.
Brooke: Screw you, Peyt.
Peyton: You know what, Brooke? "I tried tears, I tried apologizing to you. I cried. And you know what you did? You slapped me. And you blew me off."
Brooke: Well you haven't cried hard enough, bitch.
Pissed Peyton: Well I just talked to Schwahny, and he said it was Pucas all the way. So, bite me.

[Naley's Reception, Gavin DeGraw's More Than Anyone plays]
Haley: Like this show hasn't done enough Gavin DeGraw plugs already.
Nathan: The audience chose it.
Haley: That's alright, I guess. [Naley dance their first dance]

Brooke: What hapened between you and Seyton?
Lucass: We kissed.
Brooke: What?!
Lucass: It didn't mean anything, it was during the school shooting, we thought she was going to croak. "Why can't you forgive me? I forgave you."
Brooke: "For what?"
Lucas: "For sleeping with Chris Keller."
Brooke: You're an ass. I can’t believe that you would use it now as bargaining chip.
Lucas: I'm not. I'm not. Okay, well I am. But still, I love you Brooke.
Brooke: Yeah sure until you get one of your epiphanies. We need to go give our speeches now.

Lucas: I can't really give a speech about love. Because I am really confused right now. I am with Brooke. But I kissed Peyton. I don't know how either of them feels about me right now.
Peyton: [Calls out] I love you, Lucas.
Brooke: Slut.
Peyton: No that's Rachel, bitch.
Brooke: Well anyhow. Blah, blah. Shakespeare, because he is one of my regular assigned readings. Blah, blah. True love. Blah, blah. Who got married again? Oh yeah. Nathan and Haley. Blah, blah. And now I give you Rachel, she's generally more entertaining, drunk, and out of control.
Rachel: I slept with Nathan's Hot Uncle Cooper. I think I love him, but he doesn't love me back. And I had way too much Sunkist at the wedding reception for teenagers. I'm going to steal the limo. Someone stops me now! [Storms out]
Hot Uncle Cooper: I'll do it.
[Rachel steals the Limo, Hot Uncle Cooper rides shotgun]

Haley: We're going to be late for our flight. Come on, Nathan. Let's go.
Nathan: All right let's take Keith's car to the airport. Roadtrip!
Haley: Shotgun!
[A bit later]
Haley: Oops, I forgot the plane tickets at the reception.
Nathan: It's okay let's call Lucas to get them.

[Lucas and Karen are picking through purses]
Lucas: Alright, let's cut through the chase. Are you pregnant?
Karen: Yes. But why would you ask me that?
Lucas: I found a pregnancy test and it's positive.
Karen: It could be Haley's, Brooke's, Rachel's. Or even Peyton's if she was getting any from Jake last week.
Lucas: Oh, so we don't know?
Karen: No, we don't.

Rachel: I love you.
Hot Uncle Cooper: Well, I hate you.
Rachel: Well, I'm pregnant.
Hot Uncle Cooper: What?!!! [The limo hits the bridge and falls into the river]

Hero Nathan: That was Cooper. I'll dive in to save him.
Haley: Don't you dare ruin that tux, it's a rental.
Nathan: Sorry, honey. [He dives in]
Haley: Nathaaannn!!!