Peyton: (on phone): Lucas? I'm pregnant. Yes, I am with spawn. That's for proposing over the phone.
Lucas: I'm happy.
Haley: Was that Deb on the phone? I'm starting to get worried since we haven't seen her for a few weeks.
Nathan: No, that was about my "comeback". I'm on a team! That slamball storyline and conversations with dead Q were so worth it.
Mouth: Millie left me.
Skills: She'll be fine.
Millie: *sobbing*
Owen: *drinks*
Brooke: I've been looking for Sam all night! Will you help me?
Police Officer: Have you been drinking? That's what we usually ask people when they say their kids have disappeared.
Julian: The studio director slash my bastard father wants to meet you.
Lucas: I should get back to my pregnant fiance but eh. I'll go.
Mia: Peyton, I'm sorry you were a bitch to me.
Peyton: You're forgiven.
Nathan: So this is my comeback.
Mean Teammate: I'm number 23 now. I don't want you on my team. Blah blah trashtalk.
Nathan: This feels strangely familiar.
Andre: I wish I could talk to Quentin.
Jamie: "My mama says sometimes you have to cry out all your tears to make way for a heartful of smiles."
Andre: *heaves*
Skills: I'm now an MM cheerleader as well as an LP one. I'll take the screentime where I can get it.
Millie: I'll talk to Mouth.
Julian's father: My son is a disappointment to me. I don't blame you for hating him.
Lucas: Did you shoot your own brother too?
Julian's father: What? No.
Haley: *looking for screentime* Oh, Mia. Can I hang out with you?
Mia: Okay, but only until my epiclovestory with Chase begins.
Chase: Peyton called me. She told me you were drinking again.
Owen: I work in a bar, dude. What did you expect?
X: *is creepy*
(Jack and Sam try to escape)
Sam: Jack! Help me!
Jack: *runs like a bitch*
Peyton: Julian, stop stalking me.
Julian: Not everything is about you. Any word on Sam?
Brooke: The boy that was in Sam's bed! Maybe he might know something!
Julian: I'll look for him.
Peyton: We'll ask Haley for his address. Off screen, obviously.
Mouth: Millie, I'm so sorry. I love you.
Millie: I'm not an unicorn anymore.
Mouth: You whore! Get out.
Brooke: I can't believe I let Sam go missing.
Haley: How do you keep track of someone? I have no idea where Jamie is right now, and Deb hasn't been seen for weeks.
Brooke: You probably aren't the right people to help me. I'd better go alone.
Peyton: I plan to lock my first born up, or at least not let him wander around cemeteries.
Haley: You're pregnant! Can I be godmother?
Peyton: Thanks for unleashing those arguments.
Brooke: Have you seen my foster daughter?
X: *is creepy* Have a nice night.
Brooke: It's the middle of the day. Wait...you attacked me! *pepper spray* Sam! Sam!
Sam: Brooke, run! He's really creepy!
(Brooke pulls out gun)
Continuity Fairy: Where did you get that? I thought you left your gun at Victoria's.
Contrivance Fairy: Quiet, you.
Brooke: I kill you with my overacting!
Sam: "Please don't. I need you Mom."
Brooke: Okay, I'll just pistol-whip him.
Julian and Jack: Um...us to the rescue?
(Hours later)
Police: Hey look, Quentin Field's wallet. What can this possibly mean?
Brooke: Oh my God! He killed Quentin! The bastard!
Julian: There, there.
Lucas: Hey Peyton. Hey, Spawn.
Peyton: Hey, Spawn. Daddy's home.
Viewers: God help us all.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Re-craping 4x21 All of the Sudden I Miss Everyone
[Previously on One Tree Hill]
Principal Turner: I give you Tree Hill High's graduating class: Chase Adams, someone, someone else, Brooke Davis, someone we don't know, Mouth uh I'm sorry I meant Marvin McFadden, someone we don't care about, Bevin Mirsky, Peyton Sawyer, someone with three names, someone else with three names, Lucas Scott, Nathan Scott, ahh brothers reunited at last, someone we don't see, Antwon Taylor A.K.A. Skills, Fergusson Thompson alias Fergie from the Rivercourt, hey what happen to Junk Moretti oh we passed him already, sorry you're not graduating any time soon Junk, unlike Rachel Gatina who's not even freakin' here. And finally this year's class valedictorian Haley James Scott.
Haley: Blah, blah. I'm sorry I think I'm having my baby. Girls don't have sex. Childbirth is painful. I want my epidural right now!
[At the hospital]
Nathan: Come on Haley. Just get it out.
Doctor: [Baby wails] It's a boy.
Nathan: Great job, honey.
Doctor: [Baby wails stop] This kid is the quietest in the universe. Want to hold him?
Haley: Welcome to the world James Lucas Scott.
Nathan: Did we really name him that?
[Two weeks later]
Nathan: Part-ay tonight! Want to go?
Haley: I don't know. We have a kid. Maybe we should stay home.
Nathan: Or maybe we should rope in my usually irresponsible mother to babysit Jamie. That's what we should really call him.
Grandma Deb: Yeah, you two should go.
Director: Prop people get three stuff animals to hide Grandma Deb's pregnant bump. How old are you?
Grandma Deb: Hey, I'm only 36!
Nathan: I don't know mom. There is probably going to have some illicit and illegal activies going on.
Director: Too wordy. Schwahny, we need a rewrite.
Schwahny: Okay, Nathan say: "We're underage, mom, and there's gonna be drinking, alcohol, probably some drugs."
Nathan: Do I really have to emphasize the drinking with alcohol? Why can't I just say "sex, alcohol, probably some drugs"?
Director: Because we don't want to promote this kind of activity. Don't you think that one baby is enough already? Nathan, just say the line.
Schwahny: And because there's going to be plenty of Sunkist at the part-ay! Sunkist is not alcohol.
Haley: No, it's worse.
[At the Part-ay or Andy's backyard]
Brooke: So what's this part-ay about.
Mouth: At the stroke of midnight tonight, we cease to be seniors, and the juniors become seniors on the school computers.
Rachel: What other reason do you need to part-ay?
Brooke: You're back! Just in time to give you your diploma. Turner just turned a blind eye on the whole cheating and test stealing thing. And I didn't even have to take my clothes off.
Haley: I can't believe you persuaded me to leave my baby with your mother. And to go to a party where I can't even drink because I am nursing. Pleeaase, can I call? Pleeaase?
Nathan: Come on we're going to have fun tonight and promise not call my mom. I don't want to become one of those crazy obsessive parents.
Haley: Okay, I won't call.
Nathan: Alright, tonight's going to be fun.
Brooke: So Rachel's back.
Haley: I knew that. I just re-enacted the fight scene from 4x14 for old time's sake.
Soaked Rachel: Minus the bitch slap.
Lucas: Hey Nathan. Want to go see our eternally irredeemable father?
Nathan: Yeah, sure. Lets go tonight.
[Later]
Nathan: Schwahny just called he said that we couldn't fit another visitation scene. Your mom already went to spit on his window.
Lucas: You're right he doesn't deserve a visitation at all. So in four years, don't go see him, all right? Promise?
Nathan: I promise. [Cross fingers behind his back]
Lucas: [Looking at the picture of Jamie] Handsome kid, looks like his uncle.
Haley: Speaking of the kid. We want Brooke and Lucas to be James's godparents.
Nathan: It's Jamie, actually.
Brooke: [Ignores Nathan] Really!? That's so sweet. Add motherly to my character development.
Lucas: And add Keith-like qualities to mine.
Brooke: Spice Girls anyone?
Peyton, Shelly, Rachel, Bevin, Haley: Hell yeah! Let's spontaneously dance together.
Haley: We need to go back home.
Nathan: Why?
Haley: I know I promise I wouldn't but I called. And Deb is MIA.
Nathan: Let's not freak out. It doesn't mean that my mom is not on top of things.
Haley: Your mom, the former drug addict attempted murderer who dropped a loaded gun in the cafe?
Nathan: Wouldn't hurt to check.
Haley: Right.
[At the Scott residence]
Haley: Deb?!
Nathan: Mom?! What the hell is going on? Why are you not answering the phone?
Deb: I unplugged it.
Nathan: Why?
Deb: The two of you were driving us crazy.
Haley: The two of us?
Nathan: I might have called a couple of times.
Deb: You called six times.
Haley: You crazy obsessive parent.
Deb: You called eight.
Haley: What? I missed him.
Deb: Go on go back to your part-ay. You have the rest of the series to worry about that kid.
[Back at Andy's backyard]
Juniors/Seniors: Part-ay!
Brooke: Oh, high school kids. This party blows. Lets go somewhere else.
Bevin: Where to?
Skills: I know a place open all night. Let's roll.
[At the rivercourt]
Nathan: How about a last game of pick-up basketball?
Lucas: So this is the end.
Haley: [Looking at her watch] Well, it's about time. Oh crap, Schwahny's running.
Winded Schwahny: The network just called. The bigwigs want you all to comeback in four years.
Mouth: Even me?
Schwahny: Especially you, Mouth, especially you. We'll give you your own recycled storyline, and maybe even a geeky girlfriend.
Mouth: Fantastic!
Lucas: Oh double crap.
Principal Turner: I give you Tree Hill High's graduating class: Chase Adams, someone, someone else, Brooke Davis, someone we don't know, Mouth uh I'm sorry I meant Marvin McFadden, someone we don't care about, Bevin Mirsky, Peyton Sawyer, someone with three names, someone else with three names, Lucas Scott, Nathan Scott, ahh brothers reunited at last, someone we don't see, Antwon Taylor A.K.A. Skills, Fergusson Thompson alias Fergie from the Rivercourt, hey what happen to Junk Moretti oh we passed him already, sorry you're not graduating any time soon Junk, unlike Rachel Gatina who's not even freakin' here. And finally this year's class valedictorian Haley James Scott.
Haley: Blah, blah. I'm sorry I think I'm having my baby. Girls don't have sex. Childbirth is painful. I want my epidural right now!
[At the hospital]
Nathan: Come on Haley. Just get it out.
Doctor: [Baby wails] It's a boy.
Nathan: Great job, honey.
Doctor: [Baby wails stop] This kid is the quietest in the universe. Want to hold him?
Haley: Welcome to the world James Lucas Scott.
Nathan: Did we really name him that?
[Two weeks later]
Nathan: Part-ay tonight! Want to go?
Haley: I don't know. We have a kid. Maybe we should stay home.
Nathan: Or maybe we should rope in my usually irresponsible mother to babysit Jamie. That's what we should really call him.
Grandma Deb: Yeah, you two should go.
Director: Prop people get three stuff animals to hide Grandma Deb's pregnant bump. How old are you?
Grandma Deb: Hey, I'm only 36!
Nathan: I don't know mom. There is probably going to have some illicit and illegal activies going on.
Director: Too wordy. Schwahny, we need a rewrite.
Schwahny: Okay, Nathan say: "We're underage, mom, and there's gonna be drinking, alcohol, probably some drugs."
Nathan: Do I really have to emphasize the drinking with alcohol? Why can't I just say "sex, alcohol, probably some drugs"?
Director: Because we don't want to promote this kind of activity. Don't you think that one baby is enough already? Nathan, just say the line.
Schwahny: And because there's going to be plenty of Sunkist at the part-ay! Sunkist is not alcohol.
Haley: No, it's worse.
[At the Part-ay or Andy's backyard]
Brooke: So what's this part-ay about.
Mouth: At the stroke of midnight tonight, we cease to be seniors, and the juniors become seniors on the school computers.
Rachel: What other reason do you need to part-ay?
Brooke: You're back! Just in time to give you your diploma. Turner just turned a blind eye on the whole cheating and test stealing thing. And I didn't even have to take my clothes off.
Haley: I can't believe you persuaded me to leave my baby with your mother. And to go to a party where I can't even drink because I am nursing. Pleeaase, can I call? Pleeaase?
Nathan: Come on we're going to have fun tonight and promise not call my mom. I don't want to become one of those crazy obsessive parents.
Haley: Okay, I won't call.
Nathan: Alright, tonight's going to be fun.
Brooke: So Rachel's back.
Haley: I knew that. I just re-enacted the fight scene from 4x14 for old time's sake.
Soaked Rachel: Minus the bitch slap.
Lucas: Hey Nathan. Want to go see our eternally irredeemable father?
Nathan: Yeah, sure. Lets go tonight.
[Later]
Nathan: Schwahny just called he said that we couldn't fit another visitation scene. Your mom already went to spit on his window.
Lucas: You're right he doesn't deserve a visitation at all. So in four years, don't go see him, all right? Promise?
Nathan: I promise. [Cross fingers behind his back]
Lucas: [Looking at the picture of Jamie] Handsome kid, looks like his uncle.
Haley: Speaking of the kid. We want Brooke and Lucas to be James's godparents.
Nathan: It's Jamie, actually.
Brooke: [Ignores Nathan] Really!? That's so sweet. Add motherly to my character development.
Lucas: And add Keith-like qualities to mine.
Brooke: Spice Girls anyone?
Peyton, Shelly, Rachel, Bevin, Haley: Hell yeah! Let's spontaneously dance together.
Haley: We need to go back home.
Nathan: Why?
Haley: I know I promise I wouldn't but I called. And Deb is MIA.
Nathan: Let's not freak out. It doesn't mean that my mom is not on top of things.
Haley: Your mom, the former drug addict attempted murderer who dropped a loaded gun in the cafe?
Nathan: Wouldn't hurt to check.
Haley: Right.
[At the Scott residence]
Haley: Deb?!
Nathan: Mom?! What the hell is going on? Why are you not answering the phone?
Deb: I unplugged it.
Nathan: Why?
Deb: The two of you were driving us crazy.
Haley: The two of us?
Nathan: I might have called a couple of times.
Deb: You called six times.
Haley: You crazy obsessive parent.
Deb: You called eight.
Haley: What? I missed him.
Deb: Go on go back to your part-ay. You have the rest of the series to worry about that kid.
[Back at Andy's backyard]
Juniors/Seniors: Part-ay!
Brooke: Oh, high school kids. This party blows. Lets go somewhere else.
Bevin: Where to?
Skills: I know a place open all night. Let's roll.
[At the rivercourt]
Nathan: How about a last game of pick-up basketball?
Lucas: So this is the end.
Haley: [Looking at her watch] Well, it's about time. Oh crap, Schwahny's running.
Winded Schwahny: The network just called. The bigwigs want you all to comeback in four years.
Mouth: Even me?
Schwahny: Especially you, Mouth, especially you. We'll give you your own recycled storyline, and maybe even a geeky girlfriend.
Mouth: Fantastic!
Lucas: Oh double crap.
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