Triangle of Doom in bed together
Lucas: Whoo, I'm finally getting my threesome!
Skills: Dayum, Dawg. So Mouth has been missing since he skipped down with Rachel, and then he sent me this cryptic text.
Lucas: (reading) "Honey Grove won contest. Please drop all current plotlines for contrived road trip."
Skills: I'm sure Naley have more important things to worry about than Mouth.
Nathan: You said Mouth was in trouble?
Haley: I brought food!
Brooke: I brought Rachel's car. Hales, I guess you're over that whole sex tape thing?
Haley: Yeah, but I'm still bitter about Rachel stealing the calculus exam. I have my priorities, okay?
Mouth: Great, I was hoping for sex with Rachel and instead I end up the Honey Grove prison bitch.
Inmates: Oh wise Mouth, tell us how you manage to ensnare so many women.
Mouth: Ever heard of Sunkist? It's better than roofies.
Lucas: Look what Peyton wrote in my yearbook back when we didn't know each other: "People always leave". Hey, who's this contrived girl?
Skills: That's Abby. She disappeared after being the shooting.
Peyton: See? They always leave.
Lucas: The car broke down and I can't fix it! How am I meant to fix Rachel's heart now?
Haley: There's a tour bus! I'm having the urge to go on a journey again.
Chris Keller: Chris Keller will drive you to Honey Grove. That's if we can fit Haley's fat ass on the bus.
Haley: I'm pregnant you PLA!
PLA: Oh. Totally not mine. (Nothing is funnier than that)
PLA: So how've you been since I left town?
Nathan: Uncle murdered, got trapped under car in lake, shaved points, got Haley run over, made Lucas have a heart attack, oh and my mom tried to kill herself.
PLA: You're the luckiest guy I know. (He actually says that)
Back in Tree Hill
Dan: Minion! Trace the owner of this contrived cell phone. Or I'll tell your wife about your adultery. I'm evil.
Karen: Who broke into my house? Will this be explained in say, season ten?
Dan: I'll rescue you. Why don't you fall asleep on the sofa and I'll tenderly/creepily tuck you in.
*The next day*
Karen: Why are you being nice after all your years of evilness?
Dan: Because this show needs a couple with chemistry who can actually act. And you're still in my heart.
Me: Aww.
In Honey Grove
Mouth: It's so good to see you guys! And uh, PLA.
Brooke: Where's Rachel?
Mouth: It's a long, contrived story.
Lucas: The car isn't ready until tomorrow. What shall we do until then?
Haley: Let's crash the local prom. Brooke, do you want your apartment back?
Brooke: Sure, but all this home-switching is making me dizzy. Peyton, wanna move in?
At prom
Kids: Why have a bunch of 30-year-olds crashed our prom?
Lucas: So...not all teenagers look 28 and have 30-year-old parents?
Haley: No, some look 40, like that thieving ho Rachel.
Brooke: Haley, it was me who took the test.
Haley: You bitch! This is worse than the time you screwed Nathan and put it on tape.
Peyton: Lucas, let's have sex.
Lucas: Oh.
Me: MY EYES! MY EYES!
*Brooke, Skills and Mouth walk in*
Brooke: MY EYES! MY EYES! (runs)
PLA: Chris Keller will comfort you.
Brooke: No. I'm graduating high school. Every girl knows that's when you stop sleeping around.
Morning after the night of horror
Lucas: *is naked*
Me: MY EYES! Why do you do this to me Schwanny?
Peyton: Brooke, I'm sorry you had to see Lucas naked.
Brooke: Haley, I'm sorry I stole the test.
Nathan: Now for the shameless whoring of our latest soundtrack. I mean road mix.
Back in Tree Hill
Nathan: Lucas, remember the contrived plotline with the point shaving?
Lucas: No.
Nathan: Well anyway, they think that you are the evil brother who is responsible. They obviously didn't see the "It's a Wonderful Lucas" episode.
Dan: Here I am, lurking creepily outside Abby's house. Oh, there's Lucas. Obviously he's going to foil my evilness.
Lucas: Wow, I went on a road trip, rescued Mouth, had sex with Peyton, got accused of point shaving and still have time to foil Dan's evilness. Ever heard of overkill Schwann?
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