It's amazing what's taken out of context can fit surprisingly well when slapped back together. Here's another rendition of my "Gwen, She Has Snogged Everyone... Literally" video but with some extras. It features Katie McGrath's snogless rant, Merlin's snog, Arthur's first snog, Lancelot's snog, Arthur's second snog, Bradley James's review which does not exactly end well, and everybody's reactions around a camp fire.
P.S.: Anybody with pointers on how to fix the aspect ratio in Adobe Premiere Pro CS3? And Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Merlin: Gwen, She Has Snogged Everyone... Literally
Attempting to contribute to the world of video editing, focusing mainly on the genius that is Katie McGrath. Gwen, "she has snogged everyone." In the world of BBC's Merlin, yes she snogged Merlin, then Arthur, and Lancelot.
Here's a mini re-crap of Guinevere's dalliances, which includes the epic love triangle of Doom!
In order:
Gwen likes Merlin.
Gwen snogs Merlin.
Lancelot likes Gwen.
Gwen likes Lancelot.
Gwen tells Arthur he's a prat.
Arthur likes Gwen.
Arthur snogs Gwen.
Gwen likes Arthur.
Lancelot reappears, he has always liked Gwen, though he seems more like a deadbeat lover than anything else.
Gwen likes Lancelot even more.
Gwen snogs Lancelot.
Lancelot could die for Gwen a hundred times over.
Arthur would also die for Gwen if not under the hand of his furious father, then a giant baby rat.
Merlin realizes that there is something about Arthur.
Arthur realizes that there is something between Gwen and Lancelot.
Arthur is brewing.
Gwen is just awkward, she has now snogged everyone including Merlin.
Lancelot realizes that there is something about Arthur.
Future king trumps fake knight, at least in Lancelot's mind.
Lancelot claims the deadbeat card once again.
Gwen is brewing.
Arthur is brewing.
Lancelot is brewing... somewhere.
Here's a mini re-crap of Guinevere's dalliances, which includes the epic love triangle of Doom!
In order:
Gwen likes Merlin.
Gwen snogs Merlin.
Lancelot likes Gwen.
Gwen likes Lancelot.
Gwen tells Arthur he's a prat.
Arthur likes Gwen.
Arthur snogs Gwen.
Gwen likes Arthur.
Lancelot reappears, he has always liked Gwen, though he seems more like a deadbeat lover than anything else.
Gwen likes Lancelot even more.
Gwen snogs Lancelot.
Lancelot could die for Gwen a hundred times over.
Arthur would also die for Gwen if not under the hand of his furious father, then a giant baby rat.
Merlin realizes that there is something about Arthur.
Arthur realizes that there is something between Gwen and Lancelot.
Arthur is brewing.
Gwen is just awkward, she has now snogged everyone including Merlin.
Lancelot realizes that there is something about Arthur.
Future king trumps fake knight, at least in Lancelot's mind.
Lancelot claims the deadbeat card once again.
Gwen is brewing.
Arthur is brewing.
Lancelot is brewing... somewhere.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Re-craping 6x07 Messin' With The Kid
Jamie: Leave me alone.
Chuck: No, you cape wearing baby.
Jamie: I'll have my mom beat your mom up.
Haley: If your brat does not leave my son alone, I'll have Jamie beat him up.
Bitch Mom: Come and get it, little girl.
Haley: Oh, Oh, you did not just call me that.
Bitch Mom: Oh, yes I did.
[Girlfight]
Nathan: My girl is a badass. It's hot.
Nathan: I'll make my son cool by becoming Cape Wearing Nathan, my super power is dunking basketballs. And I can also jump on trampolines. Why don't I play a game called Slamball? It's all about dunking basketballs while jumping off trampolines.
Haley: I'm sorry that I tried to force feed PBC on you. I thought you could handle it.
Brooke: I tried but I'm not like you. Everything you touch turns nice, exhibit Nathan.
Haley: Everything Nathan touches turns cool, exhibit me or my cape wearing son.
Brooke: No, I think Jamie was cool from the beginning. He's a Scott boy, it's in the genes.
Haley: I am still iffy about this theory. You wouldn't touch Lucas with a ten foot pole until he joined the basketball team.
Brooke: And that just reinforced the "everything Nathan touches turns cool" theory.
Haley: Oh yeah, you're right!
PBC: People always leave.
Brooke: Where have I heard that before? Here's the deal. Breakfast, my house, seven sharp. Or one more person will leave.
PBC: Fine, I can't deal with that Peyton baggage, it's exhausting.
Peyton: B. Davis says that we will never work out.
Lucas: That was mean. When did Brooke quit being a Pucas cheerleader?
Peyton: Not Brooke, you goof. B. Davis Magazine.
Lucas: Oh, okay.
Peyton: Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's have sex in your mother's bed.
Lucas: Yeww, creepy. [Later] I'm sorry I can't get it up under contrived circumstances.
Peyton: That's okay. Since we care more about Slamball than Ravens basketball right now, let's spend the whole day locked in the house to prove we really don't belong with each other. Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's tape a line down the house.
Lucas: And since we were not in the Tutoring Center during the school shooting, it seems slightly less creepy.
Mouth: Hi, Gigi. I have a girlfriend. You're my new hot intern who used to go out with me back in high school. And now I have a girlfriend. Are you still suffering from inapropriate verbal diarrhea? I still have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Yes, it hasn't gone away. I think you are also affected. Didn't you mention having a girlfriend three times? I kind of forget stuff as soon as they pass over my head.
Mouth: Yes, I have a girlfriend. I am still in disbelief, that they gave me back my on-air job after being voted the worst employee in the Universe, I've got a new office, my own shelf in the lunch room fridge, and a hot intern. Oh, and I have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Want to get it on, Sexy?
Mouth: Oh, boy.
Jamie: Grandpa Dan, why are people picking on me?
Dan: You're a Scott man. And Scott men are popular. And people are jealous of Scott men. And if you don't become an ace at basketball, I'll write you off in my will.
Jamie: Aren't you supposed to die in less than six months?
Dan: Jamie, are you poking the timeline? Don't do that.
Dan: Hey Bitch Mom! Dan Scott, Jamie's grandfather. Remember, I committed cold blooded murder. If I were you, I'll watch my back. [Drives away]
Bitch Mom: [Shudders] What sort of parents would let their kid hang out with a convicted murderer?
Chuck: No, you cape wearing baby.
Jamie: I'll have my mom beat your mom up.
Haley: If your brat does not leave my son alone, I'll have Jamie beat him up.
Bitch Mom: Come and get it, little girl.
Haley: Oh, Oh, you did not just call me that.
Bitch Mom: Oh, yes I did.
[Girlfight]
Nathan: My girl is a badass. It's hot.
Nathan: I'll make my son cool by becoming Cape Wearing Nathan, my super power is dunking basketballs. And I can also jump on trampolines. Why don't I play a game called Slamball? It's all about dunking basketballs while jumping off trampolines.
Haley: I'm sorry that I tried to force feed PBC on you. I thought you could handle it.
Brooke: I tried but I'm not like you. Everything you touch turns nice, exhibit Nathan.
Haley: Everything Nathan touches turns cool, exhibit me or my cape wearing son.
Brooke: No, I think Jamie was cool from the beginning. He's a Scott boy, it's in the genes.
Haley: I am still iffy about this theory. You wouldn't touch Lucas with a ten foot pole until he joined the basketball team.
Brooke: And that just reinforced the "everything Nathan touches turns cool" theory.
Haley: Oh yeah, you're right!
PBC: People always leave.
Brooke: Where have I heard that before? Here's the deal. Breakfast, my house, seven sharp. Or one more person will leave.
PBC: Fine, I can't deal with that Peyton baggage, it's exhausting.
Peyton: B. Davis says that we will never work out.
Lucas: That was mean. When did Brooke quit being a Pucas cheerleader?
Peyton: Not Brooke, you goof. B. Davis Magazine.
Lucas: Oh, okay.
Peyton: Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's have sex in your mother's bed.
Lucas: Yeww, creepy. [Later] I'm sorry I can't get it up under contrived circumstances.
Peyton: That's okay. Since we care more about Slamball than Ravens basketball right now, let's spend the whole day locked in the house to prove we really don't belong with each other. Ooh, I've got an idea. Let's tape a line down the house.
Lucas: And since we were not in the Tutoring Center during the school shooting, it seems slightly less creepy.
Mouth: Hi, Gigi. I have a girlfriend. You're my new hot intern who used to go out with me back in high school. And now I have a girlfriend. Are you still suffering from inapropriate verbal diarrhea? I still have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Yes, it hasn't gone away. I think you are also affected. Didn't you mention having a girlfriend three times? I kind of forget stuff as soon as they pass over my head.
Mouth: Yes, I have a girlfriend. I am still in disbelief, that they gave me back my on-air job after being voted the worst employee in the Universe, I've got a new office, my own shelf in the lunch room fridge, and a hot intern. Oh, and I have a girlfriend.
Gigi: Want to get it on, Sexy?
Mouth: Oh, boy.
Jamie: Grandpa Dan, why are people picking on me?
Dan: You're a Scott man. And Scott men are popular. And people are jealous of Scott men. And if you don't become an ace at basketball, I'll write you off in my will.
Jamie: Aren't you supposed to die in less than six months?
Dan: Jamie, are you poking the timeline? Don't do that.
Dan: Hey Bitch Mom! Dan Scott, Jamie's grandfather. Remember, I committed cold blooded murder. If I were you, I'll watch my back. [Drives away]
Bitch Mom: [Shudders] What sort of parents would let their kid hang out with a convicted murderer?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Re-craping 3x22 The Show Must Go On
Lucas: Are you ready for Naley's Second Wedding Day?
Nathan: No, I had one of those Schwahny dream last night.
Lucas: No no, that wasn't a dream, that's a nightmare. What happened?
Nathan: I dreamt that Haley was drowning in mucky river water. Can you tell her to stay away from the water?
Lucas: Like taking a mud bath on her wedding day is something she's thinking about.
[Naley's ceremony]
Dan: So what's up with that restraining order?
Deb: We temporarily restrained ourselves from enforcing it. Well, it's not like it was ever effective anyway. [Takes a swig of Sunkist from a flask] By the way, "Keith didn't try to kill you, I did."
Dan: Oh, so that's who it was. I am now just feeling guilty.
Brooke: So what's up with you liking MY boyfriend?
Peyton: I'm sorry I was just waiting for Lucas to get one of his epiphany and for you two to break up, but it took too long. And Schwahny spiked my drink with Sunkist last night, so I HAD to tell you that I like Lucas. You even said you didn't like him that much, so I guess it was alright. [Brooke slaps Seyton]
Brooke: "Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are a backstabbing, two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are, and you know it!"
Audience: Hell, yeah!
Brooke: Don't go near Peyton today.
Lucas: Why?
Brooke: I don't have time to explain. I have to go be the maid of honor. [Brooke leaves]
Lucas: So, I’ve been informed to avoid you like the plague. What’s up?
Peyton: Uh, nothing important, everything is peachy.
Lucas: Oh, okay. [Lucass leaves]
Peyton: [To herself] Well, I told Brooke that I like you, and it's not a big deal.
Audience: You think?!
Peyton: Here you are, Brooke.
Brooke: Screw you, Peyt.
Peyton: You know what, Brooke? "I tried tears, I tried apologizing to you. I cried. And you know what you did? You slapped me. And you blew me off."
Brooke: Well you haven't cried hard enough, bitch.
Pissed Peyton: Well I just talked to Schwahny, and he said it was Pucas all the way. So, bite me.
[Naley's Reception, Gavin DeGraw's More Than Anyone plays]
Haley: Like this show hasn't done enough Gavin DeGraw plugs already.
Nathan: The audience chose it.
Haley: That's alright, I guess. [Naley dance their first dance]
Brooke: What hapened between you and Seyton?
Lucass: We kissed.
Brooke: What?!
Lucass: It didn't mean anything, it was during the school shooting, we thought she was going to croak. "Why can't you forgive me? I forgave you."
Brooke: "For what?"
Lucas: "For sleeping with Chris Keller."
Brooke: You're an ass. I can’t believe that you would use it now as bargaining chip.
Lucas: I'm not. I'm not. Okay, well I am. But still, I love you Brooke.
Brooke: Yeah sure until you get one of your epiphanies. We need to go give our speeches now.
Lucas: I can't really give a speech about love. Because I am really confused right now. I am with Brooke. But I kissed Peyton. I don't know how either of them feels about me right now.
Peyton: [Calls out] I love you, Lucas.
Brooke: Slut.
Peyton: No that's Rachel, bitch.
Brooke: Well anyhow. Blah, blah. Shakespeare, because he is one of my regular assigned readings. Blah, blah. True love. Blah, blah. Who got married again? Oh yeah. Nathan and Haley. Blah, blah. And now I give you Rachel, she's generally more entertaining, drunk, and out of control.
Rachel: I slept with Nathan's Hot Uncle Cooper. I think I love him, but he doesn't love me back. And I had way too much Sunkist at the wedding reception for teenagers. I'm going to steal the limo. Someone stops me now! [Storms out]
Hot Uncle Cooper: I'll do it.
[Rachel steals the Limo, Hot Uncle Cooper rides shotgun]
Haley: We're going to be late for our flight. Come on, Nathan. Let's go.
Nathan: All right let's take Keith's car to the airport. Roadtrip!
Haley: Shotgun!
[A bit later]
Haley: Oops, I forgot the plane tickets at the reception.
Nathan: It's okay let's call Lucas to get them.
[Lucas and Karen are picking through purses]
Lucas: Alright, let's cut through the chase. Are you pregnant?
Karen: Yes. But why would you ask me that?
Lucas: I found a pregnancy test and it's positive.
Karen: It could be Haley's, Brooke's, Rachel's. Or even Peyton's if she was getting any from Jake last week.
Lucas: Oh, so we don't know?
Karen: No, we don't.
Rachel: I love you.
Hot Uncle Cooper: Well, I hate you.
Rachel: Well, I'm pregnant.
Hot Uncle Cooper: What?!!! [The limo hits the bridge and falls into the river]
Hero Nathan: That was Cooper. I'll dive in to save him.
Haley: Don't you dare ruin that tux, it's a rental.
Nathan: Sorry, honey. [He dives in]
Haley: Nathaaannn!!!
Nathan: No, I had one of those Schwahny dream last night.
Lucas: No no, that wasn't a dream, that's a nightmare. What happened?
Nathan: I dreamt that Haley was drowning in mucky river water. Can you tell her to stay away from the water?
Lucas: Like taking a mud bath on her wedding day is something she's thinking about.
[Naley's ceremony]
Dan: So what's up with that restraining order?
Deb: We temporarily restrained ourselves from enforcing it. Well, it's not like it was ever effective anyway. [Takes a swig of Sunkist from a flask] By the way, "Keith didn't try to kill you, I did."
Dan: Oh, so that's who it was. I am now just feeling guilty.
Brooke: So what's up with you liking MY boyfriend?
Peyton: I'm sorry I was just waiting for Lucas to get one of his epiphany and for you two to break up, but it took too long. And Schwahny spiked my drink with Sunkist last night, so I HAD to tell you that I like Lucas. You even said you didn't like him that much, so I guess it was alright. [Brooke slaps Seyton]
Brooke: "Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are a backstabbing, two-faced bitch, Peyton, because you are, and you know it!"
Audience: Hell, yeah!
Brooke: Don't go near Peyton today.
Lucas: Why?
Brooke: I don't have time to explain. I have to go be the maid of honor. [Brooke leaves]
Lucas: So, I’ve been informed to avoid you like the plague. What’s up?
Peyton: Uh, nothing important, everything is peachy.
Lucas: Oh, okay. [Lucass leaves]
Peyton: [To herself] Well, I told Brooke that I like you, and it's not a big deal.
Audience: You think?!
Peyton: Here you are, Brooke.
Brooke: Screw you, Peyt.
Peyton: You know what, Brooke? "I tried tears, I tried apologizing to you. I cried. And you know what you did? You slapped me. And you blew me off."
Brooke: Well you haven't cried hard enough, bitch.
Pissed Peyton: Well I just talked to Schwahny, and he said it was Pucas all the way. So, bite me.
[Naley's Reception, Gavin DeGraw's More Than Anyone plays]
Haley: Like this show hasn't done enough Gavin DeGraw plugs already.
Nathan: The audience chose it.
Haley: That's alright, I guess. [Naley dance their first dance]
Brooke: What hapened between you and Seyton?
Lucass: We kissed.
Brooke: What?!
Lucass: It didn't mean anything, it was during the school shooting, we thought she was going to croak. "Why can't you forgive me? I forgave you."
Brooke: "For what?"
Lucas: "For sleeping with Chris Keller."
Brooke: You're an ass. I can’t believe that you would use it now as bargaining chip.
Lucas: I'm not. I'm not. Okay, well I am. But still, I love you Brooke.
Brooke: Yeah sure until you get one of your epiphanies. We need to go give our speeches now.
Lucas: I can't really give a speech about love. Because I am really confused right now. I am with Brooke. But I kissed Peyton. I don't know how either of them feels about me right now.
Peyton: [Calls out] I love you, Lucas.
Brooke: Slut.
Peyton: No that's Rachel, bitch.
Brooke: Well anyhow. Blah, blah. Shakespeare, because he is one of my regular assigned readings. Blah, blah. True love. Blah, blah. Who got married again? Oh yeah. Nathan and Haley. Blah, blah. And now I give you Rachel, she's generally more entertaining, drunk, and out of control.
Rachel: I slept with Nathan's Hot Uncle Cooper. I think I love him, but he doesn't love me back. And I had way too much Sunkist at the wedding reception for teenagers. I'm going to steal the limo. Someone stops me now! [Storms out]
Hot Uncle Cooper: I'll do it.
[Rachel steals the Limo, Hot Uncle Cooper rides shotgun]
Haley: We're going to be late for our flight. Come on, Nathan. Let's go.
Nathan: All right let's take Keith's car to the airport. Roadtrip!
Haley: Shotgun!
[A bit later]
Haley: Oops, I forgot the plane tickets at the reception.
Nathan: It's okay let's call Lucas to get them.
[Lucas and Karen are picking through purses]
Lucas: Alright, let's cut through the chase. Are you pregnant?
Karen: Yes. But why would you ask me that?
Lucas: I found a pregnancy test and it's positive.
Karen: It could be Haley's, Brooke's, Rachel's. Or even Peyton's if she was getting any from Jake last week.
Lucas: Oh, so we don't know?
Karen: No, we don't.
Rachel: I love you.
Hot Uncle Cooper: Well, I hate you.
Rachel: Well, I'm pregnant.
Hot Uncle Cooper: What?!!! [The limo hits the bridge and falls into the river]
Hero Nathan: That was Cooper. I'll dive in to save him.
Haley: Don't you dare ruin that tux, it's a rental.
Nathan: Sorry, honey. [He dives in]
Haley: Nathaaannn!!!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Re-craping 6x18 Searching for a Former Clarity
Sims: Time for some strange product placement.
Mia: (singing) Whhhhhyyyy am I still on the shooooow?
Dan: Why, it's my first born and his strangely chubby looking fiance. All OK?
Lucas: We're fine. It's not like Peyton has a mysterious unnamed condition that could kill her and our Spawn.
Dan: "I'm getting a heart."
Lucas: "It's about time."
Man carrying heart: Lalala, whoops, slippery, heart on floor...
Stoner Dog: Mmmmm, yummy!
Dan: Someone has got to be taking the piss.
Deb: (at Keith's grave) Why can't I get a storyline Keith? Why?
Dawson: I'm crazy! I'm wack!
Julian: The movie has been pulled. Someone realised it sucked.
Lucas: Nooo! That movie was a metaphor for me and Peyton!
Julian: Perhaps you should consider getting a life?
Skills: I finally get some screentime and it involves coaching Jamie and his annoying friends. At least I have Deb.
Deb: You're dumped. It was nice while it lasted.
Skills: (bummed) I'd better turn to a life of crime.
Haley's Principal: I'm randomly a bitch for no reason. Apologise or you're fired.
Haley: An actual storyline! Kind of! Thank you so much!
Sam: Oh, Jack's shoplifting. I'd better cover for him.
Brooke: How dare you shoplift! I'm still mad that Julian told me he loved me when I'm still getting over the fact that my high school boyfriend cheated on me!
Sam: Maybe you should get a life?
Haley: (on phone) Nathan? Bitch principal says I have to apologise or I'm fired.
Nathan: Take the high road. That's who you are.
Haley: Are you sure? That doesn't sound like me.
(At the cemetery)
Jamie: Uncle Lucas, how did Great Uncle Keith die?
Lucas: Why don't you ask your evil grandfather.
Peyton: Nobody likes your crappy song, Mia. They want you to play it on guitar instead of piano.
Mia: My life is oooover!
Dan: (wading into sea) Come and get me, dog! Come and eat the rest of me!
Dog: No thanks.
Deb: How dare you make me feel guilty for trying to kill you?
Dan: I'm sorry. Keith's death wasn't your fault. It was because I wanted Karen, or was high on Sunkist. Who the hell knows.
(Everyone gets drunk and depressed)
Skills: My life sucks, dawg.
Lucas: "I just lost three hundred thousand dollars and you lost Deb? Shut up!"
Me: Hee hee!
Julian: I have to leave town now the movie's over.
Sam: Please don't leave us! People always leave!
Julian: This is kind of creepy.
Jamie: Who killed Great Uncle Keith?
Dan: I did.
Jamie: Wah! *runs away*
Lucas: Maybe you and Brooke can work things out.
Julian: I don't think so. Me and my gigantic forehead are leaving.
Dawson: (in helicopter) Did someone say forehead? Don't be sad about the movie, fellas. "Sometimes, the beauty is in the attempt." Now excuse me while I go have sex with fake Peyton!
Lucas: I'm really going to miss him.
Haley: Class, I was asked to say sorry, so here it is. I'm sorry your principal is such a bitch. I'm out of here. Peyton, can I work for you on Mia's crappy record?
Peyton: Sure!
Haley: And let's put it back on piano. I like pissing people off now.
Julian: I have to go, Brooke Davis. But that's okay, because the beauty is in the attempt.
Brooke: *cryface*
Nathan: So what happened to Dan's heart?
Lucas: A dog ate it.
Nathan: Oh. Wanna shoot some hoops?
Dan: I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you both. I'm leaving town now.
Sam: Don't go! Why do people always leeeeaaaaave?
Brooke: I'm sorry I was a horrible mother. To make up for it I'm letting your boyfriend move in.
Sam: Alright!
Haley: Hey Jamie, what ya doing?
Jamie: I'm creating a virtual Tree Hill. There's Lucas and Peyton with their Spawn, and there's Brooke crying over Julian, and there's Sam and Jack having sex.
Haley: How sweet.
Mia: (singing) Whhhhhyyyy am I still on the shooooow?
Dan: Why, it's my first born and his strangely chubby looking fiance. All OK?
Lucas: We're fine. It's not like Peyton has a mysterious unnamed condition that could kill her and our Spawn.
Dan: "I'm getting a heart."
Lucas: "It's about time."
Man carrying heart: Lalala, whoops, slippery, heart on floor...
Stoner Dog: Mmmmm, yummy!
Dan: Someone has got to be taking the piss.
Deb: (at Keith's grave) Why can't I get a storyline Keith? Why?
Dawson: I'm crazy! I'm wack!
Julian: The movie has been pulled. Someone realised it sucked.
Lucas: Nooo! That movie was a metaphor for me and Peyton!
Julian: Perhaps you should consider getting a life?
Skills: I finally get some screentime and it involves coaching Jamie and his annoying friends. At least I have Deb.
Deb: You're dumped. It was nice while it lasted.
Skills: (bummed) I'd better turn to a life of crime.
Haley's Principal: I'm randomly a bitch for no reason. Apologise or you're fired.
Haley: An actual storyline! Kind of! Thank you so much!
Sam: Oh, Jack's shoplifting. I'd better cover for him.
Brooke: How dare you shoplift! I'm still mad that Julian told me he loved me when I'm still getting over the fact that my high school boyfriend cheated on me!
Sam: Maybe you should get a life?
Haley: (on phone) Nathan? Bitch principal says I have to apologise or I'm fired.
Nathan: Take the high road. That's who you are.
Haley: Are you sure? That doesn't sound like me.
(At the cemetery)
Jamie: Uncle Lucas, how did Great Uncle Keith die?
Lucas: Why don't you ask your evil grandfather.
Peyton: Nobody likes your crappy song, Mia. They want you to play it on guitar instead of piano.
Mia: My life is oooover!
Dan: (wading into sea) Come and get me, dog! Come and eat the rest of me!
Dog: No thanks.
Deb: How dare you make me feel guilty for trying to kill you?
Dan: I'm sorry. Keith's death wasn't your fault. It was because I wanted Karen, or was high on Sunkist. Who the hell knows.
(Everyone gets drunk and depressed)
Skills: My life sucks, dawg.
Lucas: "I just lost three hundred thousand dollars and you lost Deb? Shut up!"
Me: Hee hee!
Julian: I have to leave town now the movie's over.
Sam: Please don't leave us! People always leave!
Julian: This is kind of creepy.
Jamie: Who killed Great Uncle Keith?
Dan: I did.
Jamie: Wah! *runs away*
Lucas: Maybe you and Brooke can work things out.
Julian: I don't think so. Me and my gigantic forehead are leaving.
Dawson: (in helicopter) Did someone say forehead? Don't be sad about the movie, fellas. "Sometimes, the beauty is in the attempt." Now excuse me while I go have sex with fake Peyton!
Lucas: I'm really going to miss him.
Haley: Class, I was asked to say sorry, so here it is. I'm sorry your principal is such a bitch. I'm out of here. Peyton, can I work for you on Mia's crappy record?
Peyton: Sure!
Haley: And let's put it back on piano. I like pissing people off now.
Julian: I have to go, Brooke Davis. But that's okay, because the beauty is in the attempt.
Brooke: *cryface*
Nathan: So what happened to Dan's heart?
Lucas: A dog ate it.
Nathan: Oh. Wanna shoot some hoops?
Dan: I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you both. I'm leaving town now.
Sam: Don't go! Why do people always leeeeaaaaave?
Brooke: I'm sorry I was a horrible mother. To make up for it I'm letting your boyfriend move in.
Sam: Alright!
Haley: Hey Jamie, what ya doing?
Jamie: I'm creating a virtual Tree Hill. There's Lucas and Peyton with their Spawn, and there's Brooke crying over Julian, and there's Sam and Jack having sex.
Haley: How sweet.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Re-craping 6x10 Even Fairy Tale Characters Would be Jealous
Haley: I have stage fright about Peyton's concert.
Nathan: Let me entertain you by pretending I'm back in my wheelchair.
Haley: That's one hell of a comedy routine.
Brooke: They want me to adopt a baby!
Sam: I guess that's me out.
Millie: Why is there a slut in my bed?
Mouth: Gigi, you have to get out.
Gigi: First let me flash my breasts.
Mouth: OK.
Peyton: You said "OK" when I told you that Julian and I were in love?
Lucas: I said "Oh" when you said you loved me. What were you expecting?
Julian: Hi Lucas, how are you?
Lucas: *punch* "OK."
Nathan: "He hit Julian."
Haley: "Why?"
Lucas: He dated Peyton and then tried to turn my shitfest of a book into a movie. I don't know which makes me angrier.
Millie: "I found that tramp-faced horseslut bitch in my bed!"
Brooke: So?
Millie: So, I'm a virgin.
Brooke: You mean you didn't spend high school sleeping around, living in an apartment and having insta-careers?
Millie: No. I lived with my parents, didn't date and actually went to classes.
Brooke: "It's like finding a bigfoot or a unicorn or something!"
Peyton: Sam, first of all *bitchslap* for ruining my wedding dress. Second, this is my brother Derek. He hates his parents too.
Sam: Of course you do. This is Tree Hill.
Nathan: Basketball, basketball, basketball.
GhostofQ: I'm still here.
Nathan: Why are you here? How are you here?
GhostofQ: To talk about basketball, and because Schwanny says so.
Nathan: These parts are too boring to re-crap. Basically, even though I gave up slamball for the sake of my family and to avoid ending up back in a wheelchair, my "comeback" storyline isn't over.
Viewers: Oh good.
Peyton: Haley, it's time for the lip-syncing.
Haley: I can't do it.
Peyton: Sure you can. Look, Mia's here!
Viewers: Oh good.
*Haley lip-syncs "Feel This", badly*
Sam: This blows. Can we go back to watching Nathan and GhostofQ?
Peyton: What do you want from me?
Julian: This is not my fault. Look, I even let your boyfriend punch me.
Peyton: He punched you? This is great! He cares!
Lucas: Did you know about Peyton and Julian?
Brooke: "You are not allowed to be mad!"
Lucas: OK.
Peyton: And if you thought Haley sucked, here's Mia!
Mia: "Hey you guys! I just wanted to mention that I'm single."
Viewers: Shut up, Mia.
Derek: Hey Hales, remember how we're BFF?
Haley: No. But let's have a heart-to-heart anyway.
Brooke: You must be Julian. Do not mess with the Pucas epic love!
Julian: You're hot.
Peyton: Leave my friend alone.
Brooke: Shut up, Peyton. He's hot.
Julian: "How's the hand?"
Lucas: OK.
Julian: Look, I still want to make the movie. It's gonna be great.
Lucas: Seriously? Have you read the book?
Julian: Whatever, dude. You signed a contract. The movie's happening. Kiss my ass.
Peyton and Brooke: We'd just like to announce that signatures for the Pucas Cheerleader Union are being taken at the bar. Now let's give it up for Angels and Airways!
Audience: Who?
Peyton: Sam thinks you're going to kick her out if you get a new baby.
Sam: "Everybody wants the puppy, not the mutt."
Brooke: "You are not going back to the pound!"
Millie: Gigi is being totally inappropriate. You should fire her.
Mouth: *doesn't fire Gigi*
Millie: You're a horsefaced slutbag. Stay away from my man.
Gigi: *giggles inanely*
Peyton: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Julian.
Lucas: Peyton, you have been so good to me when I have strayed from our epic love. When I was with Brooke, when I said "I do" to Lindsey, when I said I hated you...
Peyton: You don't have to give so many examples.
Lucas: OK.
Nathan: How was the concert?
Haley: “I think you're going to like the encore to the encore.”
Nathan: Please don't tease the viewers with Naley sex.
Haley: OK.
Nathan: Let me entertain you by pretending I'm back in my wheelchair.
Haley: That's one hell of a comedy routine.
Brooke: They want me to adopt a baby!
Sam: I guess that's me out.
Millie: Why is there a slut in my bed?
Mouth: Gigi, you have to get out.
Gigi: First let me flash my breasts.
Mouth: OK.
Peyton: You said "OK" when I told you that Julian and I were in love?
Lucas: I said "Oh" when you said you loved me. What were you expecting?
Julian: Hi Lucas, how are you?
Lucas: *punch* "OK."
Nathan: "He hit Julian."
Haley: "Why?"
Lucas: He dated Peyton and then tried to turn my shitfest of a book into a movie. I don't know which makes me angrier.
Millie: "I found that tramp-faced horseslut bitch in my bed!"
Brooke: So?
Millie: So, I'm a virgin.
Brooke: You mean you didn't spend high school sleeping around, living in an apartment and having insta-careers?
Millie: No. I lived with my parents, didn't date and actually went to classes.
Brooke: "It's like finding a bigfoot or a unicorn or something!"
Peyton: Sam, first of all *bitchslap* for ruining my wedding dress. Second, this is my brother Derek. He hates his parents too.
Sam: Of course you do. This is Tree Hill.
Nathan: Basketball, basketball, basketball.
GhostofQ: I'm still here.
Nathan: Why are you here? How are you here?
GhostofQ: To talk about basketball, and because Schwanny says so.
Nathan: These parts are too boring to re-crap. Basically, even though I gave up slamball for the sake of my family and to avoid ending up back in a wheelchair, my "comeback" storyline isn't over.
Viewers: Oh good.
Peyton: Haley, it's time for the lip-syncing.
Haley: I can't do it.
Peyton: Sure you can. Look, Mia's here!
Viewers: Oh good.
*Haley lip-syncs "Feel This", badly*
Sam: This blows. Can we go back to watching Nathan and GhostofQ?
Peyton: What do you want from me?
Julian: This is not my fault. Look, I even let your boyfriend punch me.
Peyton: He punched you? This is great! He cares!
Lucas: Did you know about Peyton and Julian?
Brooke: "You are not allowed to be mad!"
Lucas: OK.
Peyton: And if you thought Haley sucked, here's Mia!
Mia: "Hey you guys! I just wanted to mention that I'm single."
Viewers: Shut up, Mia.
Derek: Hey Hales, remember how we're BFF?
Haley: No. But let's have a heart-to-heart anyway.
Brooke: You must be Julian. Do not mess with the Pucas epic love!
Julian: You're hot.
Peyton: Leave my friend alone.
Brooke: Shut up, Peyton. He's hot.
Julian: "How's the hand?"
Lucas: OK.
Julian: Look, I still want to make the movie. It's gonna be great.
Lucas: Seriously? Have you read the book?
Julian: Whatever, dude. You signed a contract. The movie's happening. Kiss my ass.
Peyton and Brooke: We'd just like to announce that signatures for the Pucas Cheerleader Union are being taken at the bar. Now let's give it up for Angels and Airways!
Audience: Who?
Peyton: Sam thinks you're going to kick her out if you get a new baby.
Sam: "Everybody wants the puppy, not the mutt."
Brooke: "You are not going back to the pound!"
Millie: Gigi is being totally inappropriate. You should fire her.
Mouth: *doesn't fire Gigi*
Millie: You're a horsefaced slutbag. Stay away from my man.
Gigi: *giggles inanely*
Peyton: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Julian.
Lucas: Peyton, you have been so good to me when I have strayed from our epic love. When I was with Brooke, when I said "I do" to Lindsey, when I said I hated you...
Peyton: You don't have to give so many examples.
Lucas: OK.
Nathan: How was the concert?
Haley: “I think you're going to like the encore to the encore.”
Nathan: Please don't tease the viewers with Naley sex.
Haley: OK.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Re-craping 5x09 For Tonight You're Only Here To Know
Previously on One Tree Hill:
Peyton: "I still love you Lucas."
Lucas: "Peyton, I..." [Seyton kisses Lucas]
Lucas: This is so confusing.
[10 minutes later]
Lucass: Will you marry me... Uh... Pey... Uh... Lindsey?
[30 seconds later]
Lindsey: [Opens door, shows off bling] "Lucas asked me to marry him."
Seyton: [Snaps] All right, that's it. For the rest of this episode, I'm a bitch!
Mouth: [V.O.] "Take a look at this picture. What do you see? There's a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America, and there's a great story..."
Seyton: Shut up Mouth. It's all about meeeeee.
Mouth: Oh, okay. [Shuts up]
Haley: I didn't know you're a music video director too.
Seyton: You know: what Mama wants, Mama gets. Except Lucas.
Haley: "You gotta let him go, Peyton."
Seyton: "I know. It's just hard." Pucas was... uh, IS epic!
Haley: "You'll be okay. I'll see you at the game." [Out of hearing range] I can't take anymore of her whining, Schwahny.
Schwahny: I'm sorry this episode is all about her whining. Here's some Sunkist. It will make the rest of the episode more bearable.
Haley: "Everything all right?"
Nathan: "I have to tell you something. It's about Carrie."
Haley: Did you kiss her?
Schwahny: Cut! Haley, you're saying next week's episode's lines.
Haley: Oh, I'm sorry I forgot that this week I am propping... again. So what's that about Carrie?
Carrie: I quit. [Out of hearing range] I kissed your husband. I'm planning to seduce him and take your kid away. And I'm psychotic.
Nathan: I really have nothing to add to that.
Haley: "We're gonna miss you."
Psycho Carrie: "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too. More than you know."
Mia: "Hey, Peyton, is that really who you used to be?"
Seyton: Yeah, I was a whining man-stealing bitch. Oh, wait. I still am.
Mia: "So, tell me again... we're going to see the team that your ex-boyfriend coaches, but now he's engaged to Haley's friend, right?"
Seyton: Did I mention that I was a violent pissed off whining man-stealing bitch?
Mia: Okaaayyy. "I just want to know who we hate before we get there."
Seyton: "You see the girl showing off her cheap-ass engagement ring to my best friend?"
Mia: "Yeah. Lindsey, right?"
Seyton: "That's who we hate." [...] "It's bad enough she's got Lucas, but now she's got to snake in on my friends, too?" "Do you want to see the place where I got shot and almost bled to death or what?"
Mia: Um, yeah. You're really pissed today, aren't you?
Seyton: I have every right to be a bitch. She stole MY man. Mine, my own, my precious...
Mia: Creepy, Gollum.
Haley: I forgot my camera. I need to go to my classroom which is past the library.
Brooke, Lindsey: Ooh, can we come?
[Walk down a hallway]
Haley: How random, Mia is in the library. She's talking to someone. Let's go in.
Lindsey: Crap, it's Seyton.
Seyton: "You know, I really was gonna try to be nice to you, but I think that's officially over."
Lindsey: "Works for me."
Mia: It's not like you were really trying either.
Seyton: Shut up, Mia!
Mia: Okaaayyy...
Lindsey: "I'm gonna head back."
Peyton: "Hey, if you get tired dragging that fat ass back to the gym, there is a water fountain down the hall."
Lindsey: "Whatever, you bulimic bitch." [Tries to push the door open] Alright, open Sesame. [Tries again] I think we're stuck here. Maybe for hours.
Mia: Well the Contrivance Fairy strikes again. The library's doors are getting repaired and there are no handles on any of them. Lindsey is a paranoid claustrophobic. Seyton is pissed (but what's new about that). The library's phone is not functioning. And there is no cell phone reception. Except for Brooke's.
Brooke: "My battery just died! It's great! Isn't that great?"
Mia: Scratch that Brooke's cell phone battery just died.
Haley: Where the hell did you hide the Sunkist Brooke?
Drunk Brooke: It's librarian Glaufelte's stash. "We always knew she was boozy."
Mia: Score! I've got Internet and that awful book Seyton and Lindsey are constantly fighting about.
Seyton: Let's order a pizza online. The delivery guy can let us out. We could get a mushroom and sausage pizza.
Drunk Brooke: Oh, no mushroom.
Mia: Let's get canadian bacon.
Drunk Brooke: Yeah, canadian bacon. Extra cheese!
Lindsey: "Just order the damn pizza."
Seyton: "Do not yell at me."
Lindsey: "I'll yell at you if I want. Just order it! Freaking sausage, canadian bacon, freaking mushroom... I want to get the hell out of here!"
Seyton: "We all want to get the hell out of here, okay?" Don't be such a bitch.
Lindsey: "Okay. Let's just check the scorecard on this one, miss "pity me." You dated the guy two years ago, you disappeared, then you come back and expect him to drop everything for the love of your bony jobless ass. WTF?"
Haley: "Relax, okay? The pizza guy's gonna come, he's gonna let us out, and maybe we'll make the end of the game, so in the meantime, everybody calm down!"
Seyton: "There. It's ordered. Are we all happy now?"
Drunk Brooke: "So what did we get?"
Seyton: "No Mushroom, Brooke. No Mush. No Room. No Mushroom."
Drunk Brooke: God, you don't have to yell at at me. My mom is already a bitch.
Mia: [Looks up from reading An Unkindness of Ravens]"Wait. Hold on. Are you telling me Lucas slept with Peyton, Brooke, and you, Lindsey?"
Lindsey: "Yeah. Not all at the same time."
[Haley and Lindsey laugh]
Mia: "Jeez, Haley, you sure you never got in on that?"
Haley: "Ew, he's like my brother."
Mia: "I'm just saying. Jamie looks a lot like him."
Lindsey: "Ah, they're like twins."
Haley: "They are not!"
Brooke: "Yes, they are. And what inbred moron is taking so long with our pizza?"
Audience: Dim!
Seyton: "Better save ol' drinky here before I kick her spoiled ass all the way back to Walden Pond."
Lindsey: "Oh, yeah?"
Seyton: "Yeah."
Lindsey: "Guess this is the second time you'll be bleeding all over this library."
Dim: Yeah! Girlfight!
Haley: Dim, you idiot! You let the door close behind you. Now we're stuck here.
Dim: No, we're not.
Lindsey: Yes, we are. Trust me. I would have left this hell hole a long time a ago, but Schwahny keeps on dragging me back.
Dim: "And this is a picture of my son. A lot of people say he looks like me, but I'm not quite sure he's that handsome."
Haley: He's really looks... creepy. "What's his name?"
Dim: "Nathan."
Haley: Eww, it's even more creepy.
Mia: Schwahny, what was the purpose of this whole episode? I've been re-craping all night.
Haley: Well I've been constantly propping for nearly five real, no... six fake years. Schwahny screwed up the timeline badly.
Dim: I'm not an idiot! I'm not an idiot. I opened the door without using the handle.
Lindsey: I tried to make myself likable. But I don't think the audience bought it. Can I just quit now?
Schwahny: Uh, no.
Seyton: I've got to be a real bitch, and I made Lindsey cry.
Drunk Brooke: Good times!
Nathan: "You kissed Peyton, didn't you?"
Lucas: "Okay, I know you want to call me a dick, and that's fine..."
Nathan: "I kissed Carrie."
Lucas: "You're a dick."
Nathan: I know that. Tonight, I am going to blab away to Haley. You should go blab to Lindsey.
Lucas: Yeah, well. It's not going to happen. 'cause I'm a dick.
Audience: You don't say...
Peyton: "I still love you Lucas."
Lucas: "Peyton, I..." [Seyton kisses Lucas]
Lucas: This is so confusing.
[10 minutes later]
Lucass: Will you marry me... Uh... Pey... Uh... Lindsey?
[30 seconds later]
Lindsey: [Opens door, shows off bling] "Lucas asked me to marry him."
Seyton: [Snaps] All right, that's it. For the rest of this episode, I'm a bitch!
Mouth: [V.O.] "Take a look at this picture. What do you see? There's a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America, and there's a great story..."
Seyton: Shut up Mouth. It's all about meeeeee.
Mouth: Oh, okay. [Shuts up]
Haley: I didn't know you're a music video director too.
Seyton: You know: what Mama wants, Mama gets. Except Lucas.
Haley: "You gotta let him go, Peyton."
Seyton: "I know. It's just hard." Pucas was... uh, IS epic!
Haley: "You'll be okay. I'll see you at the game." [Out of hearing range] I can't take anymore of her whining, Schwahny.
Schwahny: I'm sorry this episode is all about her whining. Here's some Sunkist. It will make the rest of the episode more bearable.
Haley: "Everything all right?"
Nathan: "I have to tell you something. It's about Carrie."
Haley: Did you kiss her?
Schwahny: Cut! Haley, you're saying next week's episode's lines.
Haley: Oh, I'm sorry I forgot that this week I am propping... again. So what's that about Carrie?
Carrie: I quit. [Out of hearing range] I kissed your husband. I'm planning to seduce him and take your kid away. And I'm psychotic.
Nathan: I really have nothing to add to that.
Haley: "We're gonna miss you."
Psycho Carrie: "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too. More than you know."
Mia: "Hey, Peyton, is that really who you used to be?"
Seyton: Yeah, I was a whining man-stealing bitch. Oh, wait. I still am.
Mia: "So, tell me again... we're going to see the team that your ex-boyfriend coaches, but now he's engaged to Haley's friend, right?"
Seyton: Did I mention that I was a violent pissed off whining man-stealing bitch?
Mia: Okaaayyy. "I just want to know who we hate before we get there."
Seyton: "You see the girl showing off her cheap-ass engagement ring to my best friend?"
Mia: "Yeah. Lindsey, right?"
Seyton: "That's who we hate." [...] "It's bad enough she's got Lucas, but now she's got to snake in on my friends, too?" "Do you want to see the place where I got shot and almost bled to death or what?"
Mia: Um, yeah. You're really pissed today, aren't you?
Seyton: I have every right to be a bitch. She stole MY man. Mine, my own, my precious...
Mia: Creepy, Gollum.
Haley: I forgot my camera. I need to go to my classroom which is past the library.
Brooke, Lindsey: Ooh, can we come?
[Walk down a hallway]
Haley: How random, Mia is in the library. She's talking to someone. Let's go in.
Lindsey: Crap, it's Seyton.
Seyton: "You know, I really was gonna try to be nice to you, but I think that's officially over."
Lindsey: "Works for me."
Mia: It's not like you were really trying either.
Seyton: Shut up, Mia!
Mia: Okaaayyy...
Lindsey: "I'm gonna head back."
Peyton: "Hey, if you get tired dragging that fat ass back to the gym, there is a water fountain down the hall."
Lindsey: "Whatever, you bulimic bitch." [Tries to push the door open] Alright, open Sesame. [Tries again] I think we're stuck here. Maybe for hours.
Mia: Well the Contrivance Fairy strikes again. The library's doors are getting repaired and there are no handles on any of them. Lindsey is a paranoid claustrophobic. Seyton is pissed (but what's new about that). The library's phone is not functioning. And there is no cell phone reception. Except for Brooke's.
Brooke: "My battery just died! It's great! Isn't that great?"
Mia: Scratch that Brooke's cell phone battery just died.
Haley: Where the hell did you hide the Sunkist Brooke?
Drunk Brooke: It's librarian Glaufelte's stash. "We always knew she was boozy."
Mia: Score! I've got Internet and that awful book Seyton and Lindsey are constantly fighting about.
Seyton: Let's order a pizza online. The delivery guy can let us out. We could get a mushroom and sausage pizza.
Drunk Brooke: Oh, no mushroom.
Mia: Let's get canadian bacon.
Drunk Brooke: Yeah, canadian bacon. Extra cheese!
Lindsey: "Just order the damn pizza."
Seyton: "Do not yell at me."
Lindsey: "I'll yell at you if I want. Just order it! Freaking sausage, canadian bacon, freaking mushroom... I want to get the hell out of here!"
Seyton: "We all want to get the hell out of here, okay?" Don't be such a bitch.
Lindsey: "Okay. Let's just check the scorecard on this one, miss "pity me." You dated the guy two years ago, you disappeared, then you come back and expect him to drop everything for the love of your bony jobless ass. WTF?"
Haley: "Relax, okay? The pizza guy's gonna come, he's gonna let us out, and maybe we'll make the end of the game, so in the meantime, everybody calm down!"
Seyton: "There. It's ordered. Are we all happy now?"
Drunk Brooke: "So what did we get?"
Seyton: "No Mushroom, Brooke. No Mush. No Room. No Mushroom."
Drunk Brooke: God, you don't have to yell at at me. My mom is already a bitch.
Mia: [Looks up from reading An Unkindness of Ravens]"Wait. Hold on. Are you telling me Lucas slept with Peyton, Brooke, and you, Lindsey?"
Lindsey: "Yeah. Not all at the same time."
[Haley and Lindsey laugh]
Mia: "Jeez, Haley, you sure you never got in on that?"
Haley: "Ew, he's like my brother."
Mia: "I'm just saying. Jamie looks a lot like him."
Lindsey: "Ah, they're like twins."
Haley: "They are not!"
Brooke: "Yes, they are. And what inbred moron is taking so long with our pizza?"
Audience: Dim!
Seyton: "Better save ol' drinky here before I kick her spoiled ass all the way back to Walden Pond."
Lindsey: "Oh, yeah?"
Seyton: "Yeah."
Lindsey: "Guess this is the second time you'll be bleeding all over this library."
Dim: Yeah! Girlfight!
Haley: Dim, you idiot! You let the door close behind you. Now we're stuck here.
Dim: No, we're not.
Lindsey: Yes, we are. Trust me. I would have left this hell hole a long time a ago, but Schwahny keeps on dragging me back.
Dim: "And this is a picture of my son. A lot of people say he looks like me, but I'm not quite sure he's that handsome."
Haley: He's really looks... creepy. "What's his name?"
Dim: "Nathan."
Haley: Eww, it's even more creepy.
Mia: Schwahny, what was the purpose of this whole episode? I've been re-craping all night.
Haley: Well I've been constantly propping for nearly five real, no... six fake years. Schwahny screwed up the timeline badly.
Dim: I'm not an idiot! I'm not an idiot. I opened the door without using the handle.
Lindsey: I tried to make myself likable. But I don't think the audience bought it. Can I just quit now?
Schwahny: Uh, no.
Seyton: I've got to be a real bitch, and I made Lindsey cry.
Drunk Brooke: Good times!
Nathan: "You kissed Peyton, didn't you?"
Lucas: "Okay, I know you want to call me a dick, and that's fine..."
Nathan: "I kissed Carrie."
Lucas: "You're a dick."
Nathan: I know that. Tonight, I am going to blab away to Haley. You should go blab to Lindsey.
Lucas: Yeah, well. It's not going to happen. 'cause I'm a dick.
Audience: You don't say...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Re-craping 6x09 Sympathy for the Devil
Previously on One Tree Hill: Lived In Inch and cecilia jane got way behind with the re-craps.
Sam: Have you forgiven me for ruining Peyton's wedding dress?
Brooke: No. You're still grounded.
Owen: I brought flowers.
Brooke: You still suck for abandoning me. Try diamonds next time.
Haley: Here you go honey, Michael Phelp's breakfast.
Nathan: "Haley, 90,000 calories a day is not going to keep me from getting hit on the Slamball court."
Haley: "No but it will give you a little extra padding when you do."
Nathan: I thought you liked my hot body.
Lucas: "So what was your first impression of Julian?"
Peyton: *flashback*
Julian: Why are you crying?
Peyton: Get used to it.
Julian: I love your script, but you need to show Dan killing Keith.
Lucas: But I don't know what happened. Oh well, I'll just squint and brood for an episode.
Nathan: I can't believe I'm playing with trampolines and that loser Mouth is on TV.
Mouth (on TV): And the slamball storyline continues. Also Gigi continues to throw herself at me, for some reason.
Brooke: I don't like Owen, but I like him bringing me loot.
Peyton: That's not fair to him.
Brooke: Really? I'm getting relationship advice from you?
Peyton: *flashback*
Julian: "If it isn't the saddest girl in the world."
Peyton: "Maybe they're tears of joy."
Julian: Go out with me.
Peyton: No. Yes. Okay.
Lucas: What's your best memory of Dan?
Nathan: Blah blah basketball.
Owen: You think you're the only one who can pull off the naked in the back seat stunt.
Brooke: You're a huge hairy guy on my leather seats. Get out!
Naked Owen: At least she said I was huge.
*sirens*
Naked Owen: Great, a town full of psychos and the cops show up when I get naked.
Haley: Sam, will you watch Jamie? Try not to take him to any wild parties this time.
Sam: Jamie, here's how to take people's money.
Haley: Lucas, why are you standing in the hallway where Keith was killed?
Lucas: I'm thinking about how I hate Dan. I think I'll destroy his grave. The cops only show up in Tree Hill when Owen's naked.
*flashback*
Julian: I love you.
Peyton: I love you too. Let's move in together! Have you got a baby we can kidnap?
Jamie: Grandpa Dan, Sam's teaching me how to steal.
Dan: Do you have a Book of Nefarious Plans?
*flashback*
Julian: Peyton, why do you have 12,000 copies of Lucas's book?
Peyton: You don't understand. It's all about meeeee!
Julian: I'm done.
Peyton: Is this movie part of a plan to get me back?
Julian: Get over yourself, girlfriend. Remember who dumped who here.
Brooke: I'm sorry you got arrested.
Owen: I'm not bringing you loot anymore.
*Slamball game commences*
Sam: I'm sorry for teaching Jamie to steal.
Haley: You should try to be a role model to him.
Sam: Whatever. I'm 15.
*Nathan gets pushed through glass*
Jamie: "Don't play Slamball anymore, daddy."
Nathan: You think!?
Lucas: Why did you kill Keith?
Dan: Because every story needs a villain. And Schwanny needed the ratings.
Lucas: How anti-climatic.
Brooke: I'm in the backseat of Owen's car again, only this time I'm fully clothed.
Owen: I preferred the nudity.
Brooke: You're a great guy, but I need to find myself. Or find someone better than you.
Owen: So, what's on top of the clothes, Brooke Davis?
Lucas: I saw a picture of you at Julian's. Do you know each other or something?
Peyton: "We were in love."
Lucas: This is so not making it into the sequel.
Sam: Have you forgiven me for ruining Peyton's wedding dress?
Brooke: No. You're still grounded.
Owen: I brought flowers.
Brooke: You still suck for abandoning me. Try diamonds next time.
Haley: Here you go honey, Michael Phelp's breakfast.
Nathan: "Haley, 90,000 calories a day is not going to keep me from getting hit on the Slamball court."
Haley: "No but it will give you a little extra padding when you do."
Nathan: I thought you liked my hot body.
Lucas: "So what was your first impression of Julian?"
Peyton: *flashback*
Julian: Why are you crying?
Peyton: Get used to it.
Julian: I love your script, but you need to show Dan killing Keith.
Lucas: But I don't know what happened. Oh well, I'll just squint and brood for an episode.
Nathan: I can't believe I'm playing with trampolines and that loser Mouth is on TV.
Mouth (on TV): And the slamball storyline continues. Also Gigi continues to throw herself at me, for some reason.
Brooke: I don't like Owen, but I like him bringing me loot.
Peyton: That's not fair to him.
Brooke: Really? I'm getting relationship advice from you?
Peyton: *flashback*
Julian: "If it isn't the saddest girl in the world."
Peyton: "Maybe they're tears of joy."
Julian: Go out with me.
Peyton: No. Yes. Okay.
Lucas: What's your best memory of Dan?
Nathan: Blah blah basketball.
Owen: You think you're the only one who can pull off the naked in the back seat stunt.
Brooke: You're a huge hairy guy on my leather seats. Get out!
Naked Owen: At least she said I was huge.
*sirens*
Naked Owen: Great, a town full of psychos and the cops show up when I get naked.
Haley: Sam, will you watch Jamie? Try not to take him to any wild parties this time.
Sam: Jamie, here's how to take people's money.
Haley: Lucas, why are you standing in the hallway where Keith was killed?
Lucas: I'm thinking about how I hate Dan. I think I'll destroy his grave. The cops only show up in Tree Hill when Owen's naked.
*flashback*
Julian: I love you.
Peyton: I love you too. Let's move in together! Have you got a baby we can kidnap?
Jamie: Grandpa Dan, Sam's teaching me how to steal.
Dan: Do you have a Book of Nefarious Plans?
*flashback*
Julian: Peyton, why do you have 12,000 copies of Lucas's book?
Peyton: You don't understand. It's all about meeeee!
Julian: I'm done.
Peyton: Is this movie part of a plan to get me back?
Julian: Get over yourself, girlfriend. Remember who dumped who here.
Brooke: I'm sorry you got arrested.
Owen: I'm not bringing you loot anymore.
*Slamball game commences*
Sam: I'm sorry for teaching Jamie to steal.
Haley: You should try to be a role model to him.
Sam: Whatever. I'm 15.
*Nathan gets pushed through glass*
Jamie: "Don't play Slamball anymore, daddy."
Nathan: You think!?
Lucas: Why did you kill Keith?
Dan: Because every story needs a villain. And Schwanny needed the ratings.
Lucas: How anti-climatic.
Brooke: I'm in the backseat of Owen's car again, only this time I'm fully clothed.
Owen: I preferred the nudity.
Brooke: You're a great guy, but I need to find myself. Or find someone better than you.
Owen: So, what's on top of the clothes, Brooke Davis?
Lucas: I saw a picture of you at Julian's. Do you know each other or something?
Peyton: "We were in love."
Lucas: This is so not making it into the sequel.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Re-craping 6x14 A Hand to Take Hold of the Scene
Seyton: I’m with Spawn! You hear me? I’m with Spawn!
Lucas: I know you already said it six times. I am contemplating suicide.
Peyton: How am I gonna tell Brooke?
Brooke: I’ve got a date with Julian. But it’s not a date. It’s a business meeting.
Sam: Yes, it is. And Julian is fiiine.
Peyton: I’m with Spawn!
Brooke: Is that your only line?
Peyton: I'm with Spawn!
Brooke: Get out! Sorry, that was just for the promo monkeys. Gimme a hug.
Haley: Hey, you finally showed up. Mia wanted us to prop up her date with Chase.
Nathan: So now, we’re props to second rate characters? Where’s the Sunkist?
Peyton: I hear you're going on a date with Brooke. You break her heart, I'll break your face.
Sam: Don't mind her, she's with spawn.
Julian: *sad*
Brooke: Hey Millie. Girl code girl code girl code!
Millie: I slept with Owen.
Brooke: GET OUT! Just kidding, gimme a hug.
Haley: Hi. I hear I'm going to be an auntie.
Lucas: Peyton told you she was with spawn?
Haley: No, you just did! Congratulations! By the way, you're babysitting Jamie and his annoying friend.
Lucas: You suck.
Mouth: Owen sucks. Throw darts at him.
Viewers: Way ahead of you.
Brooke: You can't be mad at Millie for cheating on you. You kept porno pictures of Gigi on your phone. Gimme a dart.
Jamie and Andre: *high on Sunkist*
Peyton: (high on Sunkist) We have lots of games for yooooooouuuuu!
Lucas: Seriously, I am contemplating suicide.
Chase: Where's Mia?
Haley: Here she comes in slow motion.
MastermindDirectorChad: I was bored and playing with the buttons, okay?
Chase: Nathan, please let me beat you at this basketball game so Mia will like me.
Nathan: Seriously, where's the Sunkist?
Brooke: Can't have wine for my date with Julian. Wine says do me.
Julian: I brought wine.
Brooke: Perfect.
Sam: I'm here for you, Jack.
Jack: I know. That's why I'm depressed.
Montage:
*Nathan and Chase rap*
*Jamie and Andre rap*
*Viewer suicide rates go up over night*
Millie: I'm drunk. Seduce me Mouth.
Mouth: Um, no. You need to leave now.
Haley: Our propping for the night is over, let's leave Mia and Chase alone.
Mia: Alone at last.
Chase: Too bad no one cares.
Peyton: Kids are exhausting. We're going to be terrible parents.
Lucas: It's okay. I got walky-talkies!
Peyton: "My baby thinks of everything!"
Lucas: Lay off the Sunkist, alright?
Brooke: It would be a very bad idea to mix business with pleasure.
Julian: Yes, it would.
Brooke: Wanna make out?
Julian: Okay.
Nathan: (on walky-talky) Lucas? We kidnapped Jamie and Andre back while you guys were asleep. I also stole one of your walky-talkies.
Lucas: It's just like having a real brother.
Nathan: I hear Peyton is with spawn. Speaking of spawn, shut up Jamie.
Jamie: Roger that.
Lucas: I know you already said it six times. I am contemplating suicide.
Peyton: How am I gonna tell Brooke?
Brooke: I’ve got a date with Julian. But it’s not a date. It’s a business meeting.
Sam: Yes, it is. And Julian is fiiine.
Peyton: I’m with Spawn!
Brooke: Is that your only line?
Peyton: I'm with Spawn!
Brooke: Get out! Sorry, that was just for the promo monkeys. Gimme a hug.
Haley: Hey, you finally showed up. Mia wanted us to prop up her date with Chase.
Nathan: So now, we’re props to second rate characters? Where’s the Sunkist?
Peyton: I hear you're going on a date with Brooke. You break her heart, I'll break your face.
Sam: Don't mind her, she's with spawn.
Julian: *sad*
Brooke: Hey Millie. Girl code girl code girl code!
Millie: I slept with Owen.
Brooke: GET OUT! Just kidding, gimme a hug.
Haley: Hi. I hear I'm going to be an auntie.
Lucas: Peyton told you she was with spawn?
Haley: No, you just did! Congratulations! By the way, you're babysitting Jamie and his annoying friend.
Lucas: You suck.
Mouth: Owen sucks. Throw darts at him.
Viewers: Way ahead of you.
Brooke: You can't be mad at Millie for cheating on you. You kept porno pictures of Gigi on your phone. Gimme a dart.
Jamie and Andre: *high on Sunkist*
Peyton: (high on Sunkist) We have lots of games for yooooooouuuuu!
Lucas: Seriously, I am contemplating suicide.
Chase: Where's Mia?
Haley: Here she comes in slow motion.
MastermindDirectorChad: I was bored and playing with the buttons, okay?
Chase: Nathan, please let me beat you at this basketball game so Mia will like me.
Nathan: Seriously, where's the Sunkist?
Brooke: Can't have wine for my date with Julian. Wine says do me.
Julian: I brought wine.
Brooke: Perfect.
Sam: I'm here for you, Jack.
Jack: I know. That's why I'm depressed.
Montage:
*Nathan and Chase rap*
*Jamie and Andre rap*
*Viewer suicide rates go up over night*
Millie: I'm drunk. Seduce me Mouth.
Mouth: Um, no. You need to leave now.
Haley: Our propping for the night is over, let's leave Mia and Chase alone.
Mia: Alone at last.
Chase: Too bad no one cares.
Peyton: Kids are exhausting. We're going to be terrible parents.
Lucas: It's okay. I got walky-talkies!
Peyton: "My baby thinks of everything!"
Lucas: Lay off the Sunkist, alright?
Brooke: It would be a very bad idea to mix business with pleasure.
Julian: Yes, it would.
Brooke: Wanna make out?
Julian: Okay.
Nathan: (on walky-talky) Lucas? We kidnapped Jamie and Andre back while you guys were asleep. I also stole one of your walky-talkies.
Lucas: It's just like having a real brother.
Nathan: I hear Peyton is with spawn. Speaking of spawn, shut up Jamie.
Jamie: Roger that.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Re-craping 6x13 Things a Mama Don't Know
Peyton: (on phone): Lucas? I'm pregnant. Yes, I am with spawn. That's for proposing over the phone.
Lucas: I'm happy.
Haley: Was that Deb on the phone? I'm starting to get worried since we haven't seen her for a few weeks.
Nathan: No, that was about my "comeback". I'm on a team! That slamball storyline and conversations with dead Q were so worth it.
Mouth: Millie left me.
Skills: She'll be fine.
Millie: *sobbing*
Owen: *drinks*
Brooke: I've been looking for Sam all night! Will you help me?
Police Officer: Have you been drinking? That's what we usually ask people when they say their kids have disappeared.
Julian: The studio director slash my bastard father wants to meet you.
Lucas: I should get back to my pregnant fiance but eh. I'll go.
Mia: Peyton, I'm sorry you were a bitch to me.
Peyton: You're forgiven.
Nathan: So this is my comeback.
Mean Teammate: I'm number 23 now. I don't want you on my team. Blah blah trashtalk.
Nathan: This feels strangely familiar.
Andre: I wish I could talk to Quentin.
Jamie: "My mama says sometimes you have to cry out all your tears to make way for a heartful of smiles."
Andre: *heaves*
Skills: I'm now an MM cheerleader as well as an LP one. I'll take the screentime where I can get it.
Millie: I'll talk to Mouth.
Julian's father: My son is a disappointment to me. I don't blame you for hating him.
Lucas: Did you shoot your own brother too?
Julian's father: What? No.
Haley: *looking for screentime* Oh, Mia. Can I hang out with you?
Mia: Okay, but only until my epiclovestory with Chase begins.
Chase: Peyton called me. She told me you were drinking again.
Owen: I work in a bar, dude. What did you expect?
X: *is creepy*
(Jack and Sam try to escape)
Sam: Jack! Help me!
Jack: *runs like a bitch*
Peyton: Julian, stop stalking me.
Julian: Not everything is about you. Any word on Sam?
Brooke: The boy that was in Sam's bed! Maybe he might know something!
Julian: I'll look for him.
Peyton: We'll ask Haley for his address. Off screen, obviously.
Mouth: Millie, I'm so sorry. I love you.
Millie: I'm not an unicorn anymore.
Mouth: You whore! Get out.
Brooke: I can't believe I let Sam go missing.
Haley: How do you keep track of someone? I have no idea where Jamie is right now, and Deb hasn't been seen for weeks.
Brooke: You probably aren't the right people to help me. I'd better go alone.
Peyton: I plan to lock my first born up, or at least not let him wander around cemeteries.
Haley: You're pregnant! Can I be godmother?
Peyton: Thanks for unleashing those arguments.
Brooke: Have you seen my foster daughter?
X: *is creepy* Have a nice night.
Brooke: It's the middle of the day. Wait...you attacked me! *pepper spray* Sam! Sam!
Sam: Brooke, run! He's really creepy!
(Brooke pulls out gun)
Continuity Fairy: Where did you get that? I thought you left your gun at Victoria's.
Contrivance Fairy: Quiet, you.
Brooke: I kill you with my overacting!
Sam: "Please don't. I need you Mom."
Brooke: Okay, I'll just pistol-whip him.
Julian and Jack: Um...us to the rescue?
(Hours later)
Police: Hey look, Quentin Field's wallet. What can this possibly mean?
Brooke: Oh my God! He killed Quentin! The bastard!
Julian: There, there.
Lucas: Hey Peyton. Hey, Spawn.
Peyton: Hey, Spawn. Daddy's home.
Viewers: God help us all.
Lucas: I'm happy.
Haley: Was that Deb on the phone? I'm starting to get worried since we haven't seen her for a few weeks.
Nathan: No, that was about my "comeback". I'm on a team! That slamball storyline and conversations with dead Q were so worth it.
Mouth: Millie left me.
Skills: She'll be fine.
Millie: *sobbing*
Owen: *drinks*
Brooke: I've been looking for Sam all night! Will you help me?
Police Officer: Have you been drinking? That's what we usually ask people when they say their kids have disappeared.
Julian: The studio director slash my bastard father wants to meet you.
Lucas: I should get back to my pregnant fiance but eh. I'll go.
Mia: Peyton, I'm sorry you were a bitch to me.
Peyton: You're forgiven.
Nathan: So this is my comeback.
Mean Teammate: I'm number 23 now. I don't want you on my team. Blah blah trashtalk.
Nathan: This feels strangely familiar.
Andre: I wish I could talk to Quentin.
Jamie: "My mama says sometimes you have to cry out all your tears to make way for a heartful of smiles."
Andre: *heaves*
Skills: I'm now an MM cheerleader as well as an LP one. I'll take the screentime where I can get it.
Millie: I'll talk to Mouth.
Julian's father: My son is a disappointment to me. I don't blame you for hating him.
Lucas: Did you shoot your own brother too?
Julian's father: What? No.
Haley: *looking for screentime* Oh, Mia. Can I hang out with you?
Mia: Okay, but only until my epiclovestory with Chase begins.
Chase: Peyton called me. She told me you were drinking again.
Owen: I work in a bar, dude. What did you expect?
X: *is creepy*
(Jack and Sam try to escape)
Sam: Jack! Help me!
Jack: *runs like a bitch*
Peyton: Julian, stop stalking me.
Julian: Not everything is about you. Any word on Sam?
Brooke: The boy that was in Sam's bed! Maybe he might know something!
Julian: I'll look for him.
Peyton: We'll ask Haley for his address. Off screen, obviously.
Mouth: Millie, I'm so sorry. I love you.
Millie: I'm not an unicorn anymore.
Mouth: You whore! Get out.
Brooke: I can't believe I let Sam go missing.
Haley: How do you keep track of someone? I have no idea where Jamie is right now, and Deb hasn't been seen for weeks.
Brooke: You probably aren't the right people to help me. I'd better go alone.
Peyton: I plan to lock my first born up, or at least not let him wander around cemeteries.
Haley: You're pregnant! Can I be godmother?
Peyton: Thanks for unleashing those arguments.
Brooke: Have you seen my foster daughter?
X: *is creepy* Have a nice night.
Brooke: It's the middle of the day. Wait...you attacked me! *pepper spray* Sam! Sam!
Sam: Brooke, run! He's really creepy!
(Brooke pulls out gun)
Continuity Fairy: Where did you get that? I thought you left your gun at Victoria's.
Contrivance Fairy: Quiet, you.
Brooke: I kill you with my overacting!
Sam: "Please don't. I need you Mom."
Brooke: Okay, I'll just pistol-whip him.
Julian and Jack: Um...us to the rescue?
(Hours later)
Police: Hey look, Quentin Field's wallet. What can this possibly mean?
Brooke: Oh my God! He killed Quentin! The bastard!
Julian: There, there.
Lucas: Hey Peyton. Hey, Spawn.
Peyton: Hey, Spawn. Daddy's home.
Viewers: God help us all.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Re-craping 4x21 All of the Sudden I Miss Everyone
[Previously on One Tree Hill]
Principal Turner: I give you Tree Hill High's graduating class: Chase Adams, someone, someone else, Brooke Davis, someone we don't know, Mouth uh I'm sorry I meant Marvin McFadden, someone we don't care about, Bevin Mirsky, Peyton Sawyer, someone with three names, someone else with three names, Lucas Scott, Nathan Scott, ahh brothers reunited at last, someone we don't see, Antwon Taylor A.K.A. Skills, Fergusson Thompson alias Fergie from the Rivercourt, hey what happen to Junk Moretti oh we passed him already, sorry you're not graduating any time soon Junk, unlike Rachel Gatina who's not even freakin' here. And finally this year's class valedictorian Haley James Scott.
Haley: Blah, blah. I'm sorry I think I'm having my baby. Girls don't have sex. Childbirth is painful. I want my epidural right now!
[At the hospital]
Nathan: Come on Haley. Just get it out.
Doctor: [Baby wails] It's a boy.
Nathan: Great job, honey.
Doctor: [Baby wails stop] This kid is the quietest in the universe. Want to hold him?
Haley: Welcome to the world James Lucas Scott.
Nathan: Did we really name him that?
[Two weeks later]
Nathan: Part-ay tonight! Want to go?
Haley: I don't know. We have a kid. Maybe we should stay home.
Nathan: Or maybe we should rope in my usually irresponsible mother to babysit Jamie. That's what we should really call him.
Grandma Deb: Yeah, you two should go.
Director: Prop people get three stuff animals to hide Grandma Deb's pregnant bump. How old are you?
Grandma Deb: Hey, I'm only 36!
Nathan: I don't know mom. There is probably going to have some illicit and illegal activies going on.
Director: Too wordy. Schwahny, we need a rewrite.
Schwahny: Okay, Nathan say: "We're underage, mom, and there's gonna be drinking, alcohol, probably some drugs."
Nathan: Do I really have to emphasize the drinking with alcohol? Why can't I just say "sex, alcohol, probably some drugs"?
Director: Because we don't want to promote this kind of activity. Don't you think that one baby is enough already? Nathan, just say the line.
Schwahny: And because there's going to be plenty of Sunkist at the part-ay! Sunkist is not alcohol.
Haley: No, it's worse.
[At the Part-ay or Andy's backyard]
Brooke: So what's this part-ay about.
Mouth: At the stroke of midnight tonight, we cease to be seniors, and the juniors become seniors on the school computers.
Rachel: What other reason do you need to part-ay?
Brooke: You're back! Just in time to give you your diploma. Turner just turned a blind eye on the whole cheating and test stealing thing. And I didn't even have to take my clothes off.
Haley: I can't believe you persuaded me to leave my baby with your mother. And to go to a party where I can't even drink because I am nursing. Pleeaase, can I call? Pleeaase?
Nathan: Come on we're going to have fun tonight and promise not call my mom. I don't want to become one of those crazy obsessive parents.
Haley: Okay, I won't call.
Nathan: Alright, tonight's going to be fun.
Brooke: So Rachel's back.
Haley: I knew that. I just re-enacted the fight scene from 4x14 for old time's sake.
Soaked Rachel: Minus the bitch slap.
Lucas: Hey Nathan. Want to go see our eternally irredeemable father?
Nathan: Yeah, sure. Lets go tonight.
[Later]
Nathan: Schwahny just called he said that we couldn't fit another visitation scene. Your mom already went to spit on his window.
Lucas: You're right he doesn't deserve a visitation at all. So in four years, don't go see him, all right? Promise?
Nathan: I promise. [Cross fingers behind his back]
Lucas: [Looking at the picture of Jamie] Handsome kid, looks like his uncle.
Haley: Speaking of the kid. We want Brooke and Lucas to be James's godparents.
Nathan: It's Jamie, actually.
Brooke: [Ignores Nathan] Really!? That's so sweet. Add motherly to my character development.
Lucas: And add Keith-like qualities to mine.
Brooke: Spice Girls anyone?
Peyton, Shelly, Rachel, Bevin, Haley: Hell yeah! Let's spontaneously dance together.
Haley: We need to go back home.
Nathan: Why?
Haley: I know I promise I wouldn't but I called. And Deb is MIA.
Nathan: Let's not freak out. It doesn't mean that my mom is not on top of things.
Haley: Your mom, the former drug addict attempted murderer who dropped a loaded gun in the cafe?
Nathan: Wouldn't hurt to check.
Haley: Right.
[At the Scott residence]
Haley: Deb?!
Nathan: Mom?! What the hell is going on? Why are you not answering the phone?
Deb: I unplugged it.
Nathan: Why?
Deb: The two of you were driving us crazy.
Haley: The two of us?
Nathan: I might have called a couple of times.
Deb: You called six times.
Haley: You crazy obsessive parent.
Deb: You called eight.
Haley: What? I missed him.
Deb: Go on go back to your part-ay. You have the rest of the series to worry about that kid.
[Back at Andy's backyard]
Juniors/Seniors: Part-ay!
Brooke: Oh, high school kids. This party blows. Lets go somewhere else.
Bevin: Where to?
Skills: I know a place open all night. Let's roll.
[At the rivercourt]
Nathan: How about a last game of pick-up basketball?
Lucas: So this is the end.
Haley: [Looking at her watch] Well, it's about time. Oh crap, Schwahny's running.
Winded Schwahny: The network just called. The bigwigs want you all to comeback in four years.
Mouth: Even me?
Schwahny: Especially you, Mouth, especially you. We'll give you your own recycled storyline, and maybe even a geeky girlfriend.
Mouth: Fantastic!
Lucas: Oh double crap.
Principal Turner: I give you Tree Hill High's graduating class: Chase Adams, someone, someone else, Brooke Davis, someone we don't know, Mouth uh I'm sorry I meant Marvin McFadden, someone we don't care about, Bevin Mirsky, Peyton Sawyer, someone with three names, someone else with three names, Lucas Scott, Nathan Scott, ahh brothers reunited at last, someone we don't see, Antwon Taylor A.K.A. Skills, Fergusson Thompson alias Fergie from the Rivercourt, hey what happen to Junk Moretti oh we passed him already, sorry you're not graduating any time soon Junk, unlike Rachel Gatina who's not even freakin' here. And finally this year's class valedictorian Haley James Scott.
Haley: Blah, blah. I'm sorry I think I'm having my baby. Girls don't have sex. Childbirth is painful. I want my epidural right now!
[At the hospital]
Nathan: Come on Haley. Just get it out.
Doctor: [Baby wails] It's a boy.
Nathan: Great job, honey.
Doctor: [Baby wails stop] This kid is the quietest in the universe. Want to hold him?
Haley: Welcome to the world James Lucas Scott.
Nathan: Did we really name him that?
[Two weeks later]
Nathan: Part-ay tonight! Want to go?
Haley: I don't know. We have a kid. Maybe we should stay home.
Nathan: Or maybe we should rope in my usually irresponsible mother to babysit Jamie. That's what we should really call him.
Grandma Deb: Yeah, you two should go.
Director: Prop people get three stuff animals to hide Grandma Deb's pregnant bump. How old are you?
Grandma Deb: Hey, I'm only 36!
Nathan: I don't know mom. There is probably going to have some illicit and illegal activies going on.
Director: Too wordy. Schwahny, we need a rewrite.
Schwahny: Okay, Nathan say: "We're underage, mom, and there's gonna be drinking, alcohol, probably some drugs."
Nathan: Do I really have to emphasize the drinking with alcohol? Why can't I just say "sex, alcohol, probably some drugs"?
Director: Because we don't want to promote this kind of activity. Don't you think that one baby is enough already? Nathan, just say the line.
Schwahny: And because there's going to be plenty of Sunkist at the part-ay! Sunkist is not alcohol.
Haley: No, it's worse.
[At the Part-ay or Andy's backyard]
Brooke: So what's this part-ay about.
Mouth: At the stroke of midnight tonight, we cease to be seniors, and the juniors become seniors on the school computers.
Rachel: What other reason do you need to part-ay?
Brooke: You're back! Just in time to give you your diploma. Turner just turned a blind eye on the whole cheating and test stealing thing. And I didn't even have to take my clothes off.
Haley: I can't believe you persuaded me to leave my baby with your mother. And to go to a party where I can't even drink because I am nursing. Pleeaase, can I call? Pleeaase?
Nathan: Come on we're going to have fun tonight and promise not call my mom. I don't want to become one of those crazy obsessive parents.
Haley: Okay, I won't call.
Nathan: Alright, tonight's going to be fun.
Brooke: So Rachel's back.
Haley: I knew that. I just re-enacted the fight scene from 4x14 for old time's sake.
Soaked Rachel: Minus the bitch slap.
Lucas: Hey Nathan. Want to go see our eternally irredeemable father?
Nathan: Yeah, sure. Lets go tonight.
[Later]
Nathan: Schwahny just called he said that we couldn't fit another visitation scene. Your mom already went to spit on his window.
Lucas: You're right he doesn't deserve a visitation at all. So in four years, don't go see him, all right? Promise?
Nathan: I promise. [Cross fingers behind his back]
Lucas: [Looking at the picture of Jamie] Handsome kid, looks like his uncle.
Haley: Speaking of the kid. We want Brooke and Lucas to be James's godparents.
Nathan: It's Jamie, actually.
Brooke: [Ignores Nathan] Really!? That's so sweet. Add motherly to my character development.
Lucas: And add Keith-like qualities to mine.
Brooke: Spice Girls anyone?
Peyton, Shelly, Rachel, Bevin, Haley: Hell yeah! Let's spontaneously dance together.
Haley: We need to go back home.
Nathan: Why?
Haley: I know I promise I wouldn't but I called. And Deb is MIA.
Nathan: Let's not freak out. It doesn't mean that my mom is not on top of things.
Haley: Your mom, the former drug addict attempted murderer who dropped a loaded gun in the cafe?
Nathan: Wouldn't hurt to check.
Haley: Right.
[At the Scott residence]
Haley: Deb?!
Nathan: Mom?! What the hell is going on? Why are you not answering the phone?
Deb: I unplugged it.
Nathan: Why?
Deb: The two of you were driving us crazy.
Haley: The two of us?
Nathan: I might have called a couple of times.
Deb: You called six times.
Haley: You crazy obsessive parent.
Deb: You called eight.
Haley: What? I missed him.
Deb: Go on go back to your part-ay. You have the rest of the series to worry about that kid.
[Back at Andy's backyard]
Juniors/Seniors: Part-ay!
Brooke: Oh, high school kids. This party blows. Lets go somewhere else.
Bevin: Where to?
Skills: I know a place open all night. Let's roll.
[At the rivercourt]
Nathan: How about a last game of pick-up basketball?
Lucas: So this is the end.
Haley: [Looking at her watch] Well, it's about time. Oh crap, Schwahny's running.
Winded Schwahny: The network just called. The bigwigs want you all to comeback in four years.
Mouth: Even me?
Schwahny: Especially you, Mouth, especially you. We'll give you your own recycled storyline, and maybe even a geeky girlfriend.
Mouth: Fantastic!
Lucas: Oh double crap.
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