Teacher: Does this show really matter, or ist it just for the train wreck, the eventual completion of the series, and the re-craps that make you stay? The purpose of this episode is to find out who the hell you are. "Let's say that there are five universal terms to describe everyone in high school. Let's say: Jock, Prom Queen, Geek, Loner and ..."
Brooke: Rachel, uh... Slut?
Teacher: Friendly (but not that friendly). Alright, class using one of those five words describe Mouth.
Class: Geek.
Mouth: I so don't like this assignment. How come I cannot be "Awesome!"?
Teacher: Is your name Barney Stinson? [Mouth shakes head] Moving on. "Nathan, five choices?"
Class: "Jock."
Teacher: "Lucas?"
Class: "Jock."
Teacher: "Brooke?"
Class: "Prom Queen."
Brooke: I so am, am I? Thanks for voting for me.
Teacher: "Rachel?"
Class: "Friendly!"
Rachel: "Hey!"
Brooke: Don't be that surprised I said it already.
Teacher: "Peyton?"
Class: "Prom Queen."
Peyton: "Oh, come one. I'm so a loner."
Glenda: "Yeah right. A loner cheerleader who's dating a jock. No offense. But, I'm a loner. You're a prom queen."
Teacher: Now, let's pair you up. So you can be egotistical for the rest of the hour, which I'm never going to get back. And since it is a really contrived episode, let's put Mouth with Shelley, Haley with Skills, Rachel with Bevin, Glenda with Lucas, Brooke with Chase, and Peyton with Nathan.
The rest of the class: What about us?
Teacher: Karma doesn't really care about you.
The rest of the class: Well, Karma doesn't really care about Rachel and Bevin, and Mouth and Shelley. And it barely cares about Brooke and Chase.
Teacher: "Karma is a funny thing isn't it?"
Brooke: Yeah, each time I have sex with Lucas, we get a pregnancy scare.
Pregnant Haley: Tell me about it. The Scott sperm is potent. I should have known that before I slept with my husband.
Nathan: "This is kind of the boy toy auction without the kissing and the partial nudity."
Peyton: "Well, the hour is still young." I bet I can get your shirt off.
Nathan: By the end of the eppy? You're on.
Peyton: How come we don't spend time together anymore?
Nathan: Umm, I got married. And you are Lucas's "You're the girl for me" this season.
Peyton: That's right. But wouldn't be cool if I slept with you and Lucas?
Nathan: You did that. But not at the same time. Right? Don't tell that to Haley, my wife. But "we were pretty good together, weren't we?"
Peyton: Uh, uh. "We were horrible together."
Nathan: Uh, uh. Remember when I used to paint your toe nails.
Peyton: Aah, yeah! Good times!
Nathan: My mom tried to kill herself.
Peyton: "I can't whistle. I know I'm pathetic."
Nathan: Liar. Watch the third episode of Season 2.
Peyton: That was ADR. "Well now, let's see the merchandise."
Nathan: Okay. [takes his shirt off]
Peyton: That was too easy.
Glenda: Good god, I got stuck with the jock.
Lucas: I'm not a jock, I'm a loner.
Ghost Keith: Didn't I just say: DON'T become like Peyton?
Glenda: I have an imaginary boyfriend.
Lucas: That's okay. I talk to my dead uncle.
Glenda: So what do you want to do after high school?
Lucas: I want to be a writer. But I love Tree Hill. If this writing thing doesn't pan out, I want to stay here forever and coach the Ravens, because Whitey is retiring.
Ghost Keith: Really? When did you get knocked upside the head? I need to get to Schwahny get me more money just for that.
Skills: I don't know how I can afford college without a scholarship.
Haley: Have you heard of students loans? You're speculating on how much you're going to earn once you graduate. And then you're basically signing your earnings away to a bank.
Skills: No wonder the economy is in shambles.
Bevin: I'm an air head.
Rachel: I'm a pot head.
Karma: That's not news to me.
Brooke: I'm insecure.
Chase: What? The popular cheerleader who's also the Student Council President? It took you four years to have an existential crisis.
Brooke: Hey, I don't write the scripts.
Shelley: Why am I getting re-crapped? I am not even mentioned next season.
Mouth: But I am.
Shelley: Sorry to break it to you Mouth, but Karma still doesn't care about you.
Mouth: But Schwahny does.
Hesitant Shelley: If you say so...
Mouth: He does. And we're going to have sex.
Reluctant Shelley: Riiiight....
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