Re-craping 6x05 You've Dug Your Own Grave, Now Lie In It

Peyton high on Sunkist: We're getting married, yeah!
Hesitant Dumbass: Okaaayyy...
Peyton on H-drugs: Why are you not happy? Nobody should be unhappy when I am happy. I have the sun shining out of my ass.
Dumbass: I know. I'm a dumbass, but I haven't told Lindsey about us yet.
Seyton: Well, get over to New York and go tell her.

Self-absorbed Peyton: How's my life? Everything's great. I might be getting a new father, which is relative #6 if you really keep count. I am getting married to your former boyfriend. I want you to make my wedding dress. Oh, and the sun is shining out of my ass.
Brooke: Okaaayyy...
Seyton: "Who peed in your Cheerios?" [This is an actual line from the episode, I am not making this up.]

NBA Guy: Why don't you fly off to Indiana? We want to meet you.
Excited Nathan: NBA? I'm there.
[A plane and car ride later]
NBA Guy: So what do you think about the coaching job?
Angry Nathan: Coaching? All I want to do is play.
NBA Guy: Come on, man. You broke your back. Think about it. We don't always get what we want. Talk to your friend Peyton.

Peyton: Hey, Dad! Can you see the sun shining out of my ass?
Potential Father: Uh, yeah... But I never actually told you I was your father.
Peyton: Hey, Dad! Come over for dinner. I want you to meet my fiance who went to see his ex-fiancee in New York.
Potential Father: Okaaayyy...
[An empty table and a dinner chucked in the bin later]
Sad Peyton: Dad stood me up, and so did Lucas. [Tears]

Lindsey: Hey, Luke. Here's your book: The Comet by Lucas Scott. It's great. We want you on a book tour.
Dumbass: Well, I can't make it on that day for the book tour.
Lindsey: Why not?
Dumbass: Well, I am getting married... to Peyton.
Lindsey: I knew it!
Dumbass: Don't tell me: I told you so.
Lindsey: I told you so! Do you know where I sign up to join the Pucas cheerleader union?
Dumbass: Uhh, Brooke might know.

Therapist: How do you feel, Brooke?
Brooke: Everybody else is moving on. My storyline is ending. I need a new one.
Therapist: Like Pucas's Bastard Child and a man?
Brooke: Hey? How do you know about PBC? Let me call Schwahny.
[A glass of chocolate milk later]
PBC: I'm sorry I was such a bitch. I guess I got the greatest genes ever.
Brooke: Tell me about it. I had my fair share of parental problems. Want to be best friends?

Psycho Nanny with a Brit accent: Haley, Dan is on its last leg. He wants to see Jamie. Follow the yellow brick road and get to the house next to the cornfield.
Haley: Okay.
[A yellow brick road and a cornfield later]
Haley: Run, Jamie, run.
[A Misery and Children of the Corn movie hybrid later]
Kick-ass Deb: I followed the yellow brick road. And I smashed a bottle of Dom that I saved for when Dan Scott would leave this earth [Come on Deb, that's never gonna happen.] on the head of that Psycho Nanny of yours.
Psycho Nanny: I'mmm baaack...
Dan: [Shoots her] "God I hate the woods." [This is an actual line from the episode, I am not making this up.]
[A Fatal Attraction ending later]
Psycho Nanny: I'mmm baaack... agaaain.
Badass Dan: Not so fast. [Shoots her again]